first essay for toefl preparation :D, please give me some suggestions~~~

[Bananafish]

topic:Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? People are easier to become educated than in the past. Use specific reasons to support your answer.
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Nowadays, education really servers as an fundamental factor in elevating the potential power of a country. Some people maintains that people are easier to become educated than in the past. Well, as far as I concerned, I agree with this statement due to the following reasons.
In the first place, nowadays, both the job structure and the social structure have changed drasticall. People find themselves less occupied with the onerous housework than before, thus, they will have more time to get educated. The youth could go to the primary school, high school, etc. The old people could go to schools after retirement to engage in fields that they are interested in while did not have chance to learn when they are ar work.
In the second place,more and more countries have realized that the education severs as an indispensable role in the contribution of the country and take a more positive attitude towards it. For example, in many countries, governments offer study loans to students who could not afford the tuition. There are also various scholarships and financial aids that provided to the promising students in order to stimulate them work harder. Subsidies are provided to the university to ensure them operat well and foster more elite. The principle behind all these acts is that it ensures every people has the right and equal opportunity to get educated.
Last but not least, in this era that we benefit enormously from the development of the technology, there are many new means and methods we can take to get educated. For example, I can get access to the course “Financial market” through internet given by Dr. Robert J Shiller in Stanford University without even attending the class. What’s more, I can discuss the detail later with other people in a forum. As a matter of fact, there are plenty of resources one can find on the internet, all you have to do is use the search engine a little bit.
To sum up, with the support of the country and society and the help of various new methods to study, I am convinced that people are easier to become educated nowadays.

TOEFL listening lectures: Which designer did not work at the Bauhaus?

[Luschen]

Hi, I thought your essay was pretty good. I am sorry the prompt was incorrect, where did you get it? Your essay had a good structure, although your introduction was a bit short and your thesis could be improved. You do not have too many grammatical errors, but you do have some unclear or awkward sounding phrases. Overall, I would rate this a 3.5 out of 5.

@Bananafish

topic:Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? People are easier to become educated than in the past. Use specific reasons to support your answer.
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Nowadays, education really serve[s ] as an fundamental factor in elevating the potential power of a country. Some people maintains that people are easier to become educated than in the past.{this sentence is incorrect - the prompt is incorrect as well though - it should be “it is easier for people to become educated that in the past”} Well, as far as I concerned, I agree with this statement due to the following reasons. {this thesis sounds weak, state exactly what you believe and try to give a brief summary of your reasons for believing it}
In the first place, nowadays, both the job structure and the social structure have changed drasticall[y ]. People find themselves less occupied with the onerous housework than before, thus, they will have more time to get educated. The youth c[an] go to the primary school, high school, etc.{try not to use abbreviations, here you could say “an so on”} The old people could go to schools after retirement to engage in fields that they are interested in while[which they] did not have [a] chance to learn when they are ar[were] work[ing].
In the second place,more and more countries have realized that the education severs [serves] as an indispensable role{you don’t really “serve a role” you “play a role”} in the contribution of the country and take {this sounds like you are saying education takes a more positive attitude, which does not make sense} a more positive attitude towards it. For example, in many countries, governments offer study loans to students who could not afford the tuition. There are also various scholarships and financial aids that [are] provided to the promising students in order to stimulate them [to] work harder. Subsidies are provided to the university to ensure the[y ] operat[e ] well and foster more elite[s ]. The principle behind all these acts is that it ensures every people[person] has the right and equal opportunity to get educated.
Last but not least, in this era that[when] we benefit enormously from the development of the technology, there are many new means and methods we can take to get educated. For example, I can get access to the course “Financial market” through [the] internet given by Dr. Robert J Shiller in[at] Stanford University without even attending the class. What’s more, I can discuss the detail[s ] later with other people in a forum. As a matter of fact, there are plenty of resources one can find on the internet,{semicolon} all you have to do is use the search engine a little bit.
To sum up, with the support of the country and society and the help of various new methods to study, I am convinced that people are [find it] easier to become educated nowadays.

TOEFL listening lectures: Which designer did not work at the Bauhaus?

[Bananafish]

thank you so much and i will keep going ~~~~