Essay : Water is a natural resource that should always be free. Governments should ban the sale of bottled water. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

ielts

#1

Please evaluate my essay and give some feedback <3

Water plays an indispensable part of our daily lives and the question of whether the government should impose a ban on bottles of water or not has garnered much public attention these days. Personally, I partly espouse the notion that water is free of charge and available to all inhabitants.
On the one hand, it is universally known that water is a limited natural resource. For this reason, there should be a price on water to promote consumers’ awareness of water conservation and make them utilize water more wisely. Furthermore, placing a charge on water is rational due to the fact that the governments will earmark this amount of money for upgrading water filtration systems and sanitation facilities. By this way, more and more citizens are able to gain access to water in a hygienic condition.
On the other hand, I utterly subscribe to the viewpoint of banning the usage of water bottles. Firstly, as far as I am concerned, plastic bottles take up to 1,000 years to decompose, which contributes to environmental degradation. Each year, billions of plastic bottles end up in landfills and even the ocean. For the issue of plastic pollution, marine wildlife is being threatened and more ocean species become on the verge of extinction. Secondly, drinking bottled water can exert detrimental effects on consumers. Plastic bottles contain chemicals that have been proven to be hazardous to human health, causing reproductive problems, birth defects, cancer, and other diseases.
In conclusion, it is my firm belief that people need to pay water charges since water treatment system is high-cost. I also reckon that prohibiting water bottles is a must with regard to saving the environment.


#2

Hi Le Khoi, welcome to the forum! I thought you did a great job with this essay.
I think your body paragraphs addressed the two parts of this prompt effectively.
Unfortunately, your thesis statement did not really reflect the structure of your actual essay. The thesis statement is the most important sentence in your whole essay, so try to make sure it is a correct summary of your arguments. Your writing sounds very clear with good vocabulary, although you do have a few word choices that could be improved. Here are some specific suggestions:


#3

I’m eternally grateful to you for providing such useful advice on my essay. Thank you !