Essay: Independence?

Hello,
It has been a long time that I am not writing here. Well, I decided to write one about being independent from your family.

Children learn their knowledge from TV, friends, environments, and most importantly from their own parents. Over time they are growing, they learn how to make decision for themselves, and lots of time their family forces them to make a decision they are not ease with them. Quarrel between children and parents, mostly with their father rather that their mother may lead them to think about independence and separate from their family. Other reason could be joy of living alone.

In some cultures, families force their children to live on their own when they become mature. In some others, they would like that they children stay with them till they get married, and in some other cultures they ask their children stay with the family for all their life’s even if they are married for some reasons like to help to manage the factory or to keep the family together. I think the most important part of staying with your family might be their financial and emotional support when you confront with a difficulty.
However, there are some benefits in being independence. They could be that you are learning that how it is hard to make money to live comfortable. Another reason is that you are free to do what you really want to do: Going party, coming back home late, enjoying yourself, and so forth.
My own culture suggests that it is better for couples marry together from the same city to be close to their families. I salute this idea but in my opinion it is better to live in another city or even in another country. I think the most difficult part of living independently is making money.

  • Salivan

P.S.
Hi kitos. I happily think that I wrote a good essay this time. I would like to ask you to correct and score it for me. If you have any suggestions, I enthusiastically would like to hear them.
I have followed all your leads from other forums. So, I want to do my best.

TOEFL listening lectures: A university arts lecture on Greek drama

Hello,
It has been a long time that I am not writing here. Well, I decided to write one about being independent from your family.

Children learn their knowledge from TV, friends, environments, and most importantly from their own parents. /Over time they are growing,/AS THEY GROW they learn how to make decisionS for themselves, and /lots of time/MANY TIMES/ their family forces them to make a decision they are not ease /with them/AT EASE WITH.
QuarrelS between children and parents, mostly with their father rather that their mother, may lead them to think about independence and THEY separate from their family. ANOther reason could be IMAGINED joy of living alone.

In some cultures, families force their children to live on their own when they become mature. In some others, they would like that theIR children stay with them till they get married, and in some other cultures they ask their children stay with the family for all their life’s, even if they are married.
Some reasons COULD BE to help to manage the factory or SIMPLY to keep the family together.
I think the most important part of staying with your family might be their financial and emotional support when you ARE confrontED with a difficulty.
However, there are some benefits in being independANT. They could be that you are learning that how it is hard to make money to live comfortable. Another reason is that you are free to do what you really want to do: Going TO partIES, coming back home late, enjoying yourself, and so forth.

My own culture suggests that it is better for couples from the same city marry to be close to their families. I salute this idea but in my opinion it is better to live in another city or even in another country. I think the most difficult part of living independently is making money.
::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::Good morning Salivan. Your essay was pretty good, but it fails to follow the format for TOEFL essay writing. The most significant weakness being the absence of an all- embracing conclusion.You write well and in an intelligent manner. Well done.

Kitos. 7.5/10