If you could change one important thing about your hometown, what would you change?
There are not much things in my hometown that I would like to change much. Yet, one problem that bothers me is that government nearly does not invest in education while architectural investments are huge and are nearly 20 times much than investments in education. So if I were going to change one thing, I would make an accent on educational sector of our town.
Firstly, I want to mention the importance of education and educated people in any society. Smart and innovative youth is the fund of bright future. Unfortunately government in our country nearly does not invest in educational activities such as new schools, educational equipment developement, well-paid teachers, opening of science clubs in town and so on. For example, It is really tough to become a world-class engineer after graduating from our university because equipment and materials they use in the process of education are too old and inadequate.
While our major does not invest into the education he pretty much invests into the architecture of our town. You can find buildings that are carved with diamonds in our town. However, you will not find a good-equipped school where students can improve theirselves to the level of world-class architectures except maybe one or two very expensive private schools. Such neglection brings to that our youth loses their interest to science and education. Such situation creates a downfall in economy of our country too. Because there are only 20-40 high qualified specialists in our town. For instance half of architects and some other workers are foreigners that will take big amounts of salary here while our own workers will reside without well-paid jobs.
On the other side, I still wouldn't stop investing in architecture at all. That is because architecture of our town is very attractive and millions of tourists come visit Baku just to see its prestigious buildings and elegant boulevard. These kind of investments are also important. However if we would raise the education level in our country then we would probably spend less money and effort to invest the same amounts as now in architecture. For example if we would raise some highly qualified world-class architects they would probably do some architecture work for less money than a foreigner.
To sum up, I would like to state that although architecture is important. I think that education must have higher priority than architecture for us. Because as I mentioned before we could reduce the cost of improvements in all other sectors by raising our own experts.
Tair - 419 words
Hi, I think you have written a pretty good essay. Your structure is pretty effective and I like your relevant and convincing examples. I still think your topic sentences need to refer more explicitly to the prompt. You have a few odd and awkward sounding sentences, but apart from one sentence, they don’t really interfere with the clarity of your writing. You do have a few word usage errors and some minor grammatical mistakes. Overall, I would rate this a 4 out of 5.