Please give me some comments. Thanks a lot
Living in big cities is bad for people’s health. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?
My essay: There is a growing concern about the impact of city life on urban citizens’ health. While I agree that the availability of health services and facilities in city centers would benefit urban inhabitants greatly, I believe that settling down in big cities also has detrimental effects on people’s health.
On the one hand, living in cities is beneficial for people’s health to some certain extent. Firstly, city dwellers can easily get access to fitness and recreation centers to relieve stress and increase the sense of well-being, whereas those places might not be provided in the countryside. For example, there are thousands of commercial and shopping centers in Ha Noi to satisfy citizens’ relaxation and entertainment demand. In addition, compared to those patients living in rural areas, their counterparts abiding in cities might be able to access better health facilities, many qualified doctors and cutting-edge technologies that can diagnose a variety of diseases such as diabetes or cancer at an early stage and immediately treating them. As a result, these individuals can be a picture of good health, even prolong life expectancy.
On the other hand, I am adamant that some physical and mental health problems would likely to be the result of city life. It is common knowledge that the constant stream of noise from construction sites and transportation systems would result in noise pollution. Consequently, this might cause hypertension, tinnitus and sleep disturbances. Moreover, pollutants including exhaust emissions from motor vehicles and coal ash from industrial parks are the main culprit of a number of health problems including respiratory infections, heart disease, and lung cancer. For instance, heavy traffic congestion in some metropolises like Beijing often makes commuters feel frustrated and exhausted which might do harms to people’s health in the long run.
In conclusion, While I agree that city life would bring many advantages to citizens, I believe that some clear negative consequences for their physical and psychological well-being should not be denied.
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Hi Th_Bui, normally I favor picking one side or the other in “to what extent to you agree” prompts, but you have done a pretty good job here of splitting it down the middle. Your thesis statement makes it very clear exactly what your opinions are and your body paragraphs support that opinion well. Your fluency is excellent, I could find very few errors. You might want to make sure your conclusion has at least two sentences - see my comment below. Otherwise, this is an excellent essay, I could see it easily scoring a band 7 or even higher.
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