Could you please review this essay of IELTS writing task 2 and what band can it get?
The most difficult task in hiring an employee for a company is the selection of questionnaires based on which employer need to find his best fellow. It is a controversial issue that whether asking one’s personal life, for example, his hobbies, interest, and marital status in the interview is appropriate or not. In addition, are they useful for the job or not?
Those who are against asking of one’s personal life have some strong logic. One of these logic is that it is not legal to make the interviewer in an uneasy situation by asking their private life. Moreover, it is unnecessary for the job to know one’s personal information, since they have no relation to the job because they believe the personal and professional life are totally different. There are some examples where some persons are good in his personal life and vice versa.
On the flip side, those who want to ask the personal information, they believe that it can help to understand sincerity, punctuality and offcourse creativity of the interviewer. These are so important quality that an employer has to know for selecting his team member for the profit. At the same time, the employer needs someone who will be dedicated to his company and will not be a problem to other team members.
In conclusion, I, myself, believe that it is most important to choose someone who is suitable for a company and not be a problem to the existing employees. For this reason, it is necessary to know one’s personal life at the interview time.
Hi Ielts, not bad, but I think your thesis statement could have been better.
The rest of your essay had an effective format though and was easy for me to follow.
Watch out for your repetition of words - reading as many English newspaper and magazine articles as you can may help increase your vocabulary.
I recommend npr.org a news radio network, because you can listen and read along with the transcript at the same time. Are you from Vietnam? - this is pretty long, but might be interesting: npr.org/templates/transcript … =552575164
Back to your essay, also watch out for the difference between interviewer and interviewee or applicant - it really changed the meaning of several of your sentences.
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