Education Writing Ielts Task 2

ielts

#1

Please give me some comments. Thạnks a lot
Many people agree that in order to improve educational quality, high school students encouraged to make comments or even criticism on their teachers. Others think it will lead to loss of respect and discipline in the classroom. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
My topic: Finding effective ways to enhance educational quality is often one of the top priorities in every education system. Some people believe that high school students’ negative feedbacks to their teachers would result in disrespect and indiscipline in classes, but I contend that this can also significantly contribute to an improvement in the quality of education programs.
On the one hand, there are two plausible explanations why allowing students to make comments and criticism on their teachers would give rise to the lack of respect and discipline. Firstly, since youngsters are immature, impulsive and inexperienced, they could easily give disparaging remarks or destructive criticism to teachers, which could make these teachers vulnerable and unhappy. For example, students could give wrong answers for math exercises but defend their opinions however this lack of knowledge could make them lose their temper and criticize teachers in front of other students which would show their disrespect for their teachers. In addition, these students who raise serious objections against teachers would have become bad examples for other students in a class. As a result, teachers would find it extremely challenging to maintain strict disciplines.
On the other hand, I believe that giving students the freedom in expressing their thoughts and feelings to teachers could enhance the quality of education. The principal reason is that this interaction could improve students’ critical thinking and boost students’ innovative ideas. For example, if a student can find a quicker and more logical answer to difficult math questions than teachers’, he should be encouraged to show his idea and solution which could help him and his fellows have a deeper insight into this subject. Secondly, thanks to constructive comments, teachers could tailor their teaching styles to make lectures more attractive and interesting which could draw students’ attraction. Consequently, the transmission of knowledge in class is more effective.
In conclusion, I am adamant that promoting students to give their opinions about teachers could lead to enhanced academic achievements despite the possibility of disrespectful and undisciplined attitudes among students.


#2

Hi Hung, I thought your essay was very good. You only had a few errors in grammar and usage, none of which really interfered with my comprehension. However, your examples in the first body paragraph seemed a little weak, I didn’t really understand exactly how these situations would lead to a loss of respect and discipline. Try to connect your examples better to the specifics of the prompt. Also, I think you should have spent a little more time in the conclusion reiterating the reasons why your hold your opinion. Here are some other suggestions: