Hi kitos, please help me to correct my essay. Many thanks in advance ^^!
Do you agree or disagree parents should give school-age children money for get a high mark (grade) they get in the school?
The topic of people’s view on whether parents should give their children money while they get high mark in the school can be approached from several different angles due to its complexity. Some people assert that giving money can be a useful way to stimulate children, while others have negative attitude. Despite many diversified opinions aired by different people based on their favor, there can be no doubt that it’s not appropriate way when parents want to encourage their children.
First of all, parents have to inspire their children to pursue excellent performance with a positive way. That is to say, children should learn how to plan their future actively rather than playing a passive role when they study in school. Otherwise, children may thought that their parents can always give them prize even after they graduated from school. While parents can’t give money to stimulate them, children may have no impetus to perform well. That’s why I am greatly convinced that parents shouldn’t give money to encourage children to get well grade in school.
Another thing worth mentioning is that parents may need to teach their children that it’s a great opportunity to get education in school, therefore, they have to study hard. The reason is that, education can led poor person to get more chances to compete with others and they may have better living condition in the future. To put this point into an actual context, my father didn’t have much money to pay the tuition, thereby, he had to earn money after school every day. However, he still got well grades in each semester and he is a brilliant manger in a big company now. There is no gain saying that a positive method to stimulate children is a better way than giving money only.
With the reasons above, I hold that parents should put more emphasis on teaching their children rather than giving money merely. That is not to say, of course, that others points of view are without merit. However, I hold that the reasons I have provided in favor of my standpoints are stronger.
TOEFL listening lectures: A lecture from an American History class
Do you agree or disagree parents should give school-age children money for get a high mark (grade) they get in the school?
The topic of people’s view on whether parents should give their children money while WHENEVER they get high markS in the school can be approached from several different angles due to its complexity. Some people assert that giving money can be a useful way to stimulate children, while others have A negative attitude. Despite many diversified opinions aired by different people based on their favor, there can be no doubt that it’s not AN appropriate way when parents want to encourage their children.
First of all, parents have to inspire their children to pursue excellent performance IN a positive way. That is to say, children should learn how to plan their future actively rather than playing a passive role when they study in school. Otherwise, children may THINK that their parents can always give them prizeS even after they graduated from school. While parents can’t give money to stimulate them, children may have no impetus to perform well. That’s why I am greatly convinced that parents shouldn’t give money to encourage children to get GOOD gradeS in school.
Another thing worth mentioning is that parents may need to teach their children that it’s a great opportunity to get education in school, therefore, they have to study hard. The reason is that, education can leAd A poor person to get more chances to compete with others, and they may have better living conditions in the future. To put this point into an actual context, my father didn’t have much money to pay FOR HIS EARLY tuition, thereby, he had to earn money after school every day. However, he still got GOOD grades in each semester, and he is a brilliant manger in a big company now. There is no gain-saying that a positive method to stimulate children is a better way than ONLYgiving money only.
With the reasons above, I hold that parents should put more emphasis on teaching their children rather than SIMPLY giving THEM moneTARY REWARDS merely. That is not to say, of course, that others points of view are without merit. However, I hold that the reasons I have provided in favor of my standpoints are stronger.
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A well written essay Erica.
Kitos. 8/10
TOEFL listening lectures: A lecture from an American History class
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