Do you agree or disagree on the following statement?

English as a Second Language Preparation for and help with the TOEFL® Test and
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Write an English essay in NO MORE THAN 250 words on the following topic: Do you agree or disagree on the following statement? The invention of the online social networking service (e.g., Facebook) has had negative effects on our lives. Use specific reasons and examples to support your opinion.

With technological advances, social networking service (SNS), such as Facebook and Twitter have changed many things. It brings not only convenience but also negative effects on our lives, for instance privacy lost, and alienated interpersonal relationships.

Now we can easily find out anything from anyone on SNS, such as Facebook, including personal information, such as ID number or nude photos. A news said, a women’s money was stolen because her ID number was knew by somebody. Our privacy is no longer safe.

Furthermore, SNS gives us a very convenient network interaction model which we can use it to interact with anyone without going out the door or making a phone call. Since we spend most of our attention into the virtual life, we often tend to invest less energy in our immediate present. This leads to weakening of social ties and result in social alienation. My little brother, Tom, he used to like spending time with his friends and family. After he played Facebook, he did not get together with us and friends. In the end, his interpersonal relationships collapsed.

As social networking service becomes popular, these issues, privacy and interpersonal relationships, are more and more important. We can not forbid SNS in our lives, so we have to concern with the negative effects which SNS brings

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Hi, what does “closed” mean?

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It means that Alan removed his post.

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I think it actually means that Alan, having the highest forum rank, has closed the topic for further discussion. Missclick?

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I’ve just re-opened it.

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Hi Ted, I think your format was very effective. With such a strict word limit, you need to get to the point very quickly, which for the most part I think you have achieved. I think your reasons were good, but your topic sentences could have been phrased a little better. You also had some awkward or unnatural sounding words and sentences here and there. Here are some specific suggestions:

With technological advances, social networking [services] (SNS), such as Facebook and Twitter have changed many things.{avoid using “things” - try to use something more specific - “things” sounds like you couldn’t come up with a better word - maybe “facets” or “aspects”} It brings not only convenience but also negative effects on our lives, for instance [lost] privacy lost, and alienated interpersonal relationships.

Now {“now” used in this way can mean, “everyone knows” - example: “Now, eating in New York city can be very expensive so here are a few tips to reduce your food budget …”, so it is a bit confusing in this context} we can easily find out anything from anyone on SNS, such as Facebook, including personal information, such as [their] ID number or nude photos. {I don’t think Facebook allows nude photos} A news [report] said[ that] {only use a comma with a direct quote, in which you would also need quotation marks} a women’s money was stolen because her ID number was knew {it should be “known”, but “discovered” is better here} by somebody. Our privacy is no longer safe.

Furthermore, SNS gives us a very convenient network interaction model which we can use it to interact with anyone without going out the door or making a phone call. {This topic sentence was not very effective, since it didn’t really give a drawback of SNS} Since we spend most of our attention [on our] into the virtual life, we often tend to invest less energy in our immediate present. This leads to [a] weakening of social ties and [results] in social alienation. My little brother, Tom, he used to like spending time with his friends and family. After he played Facebook, {you don’t really “play” Facebook - maybe “after he became engrossed in Facebook”} he did not get together with us [nor his] friends. In the end, his interpersonal relationships collapsed.

As social networking [services become] popular, these issues, privacy and interpersonal relationships, are more and more important. {this sentence is not the best - these factors do not really become more important, instead, they become imperiled or threatened} We can not forbid SNS in our lives, {“forbid in our lives” sounds odd - maybe “forbid outright” or “eliminate SNS from our lives”} so we have to [be concerned] with the negative effects which SNS brings

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