Kindly evaluate below Essay written by my brother on the scale of 0-9. Thanks in advance.
[b]Essay Topic–>
Many people want their country to host an international sporting event. Others believe that international sporting events bring more problems than benefits. Discuss both views and state your opinion.[/b]
In today’s world competition among countries for hosting any international sporting event increases.Many people believe that international sporting events causes many issues, however I strongly disagree because it gives an opportunity to all nations to come together.
Firstly, for organizing any sporting event requires costly equipment, additionally there is a need of vast arrangement. For instance for arranging one cricket match stadium is required, people also purchase costly tickets for watching match. People who can travel around world for watching match, for them living arrangements are required. This may cause unwanted expenses for countries who can host sporting event.
However, we can not deny importance of sports in our life, any international sporting event like Olympics gives an opportunity to all participants to perform. Sport lovers around world definitely would get best entertainment because of such events. Now adays films, television serials are important, likely sports are also equally important. From this it becomes quite evident that such kind of event gives encouragement to sport activities.
Furthermore, it gives an opportunity to all nations around the world to come together. For instance in football world cup most of countries can participate, which is very good for maintaining peace as well as maintaining good international relationship globally. This helps them to come closer to each other. This shows why sporting events has vast importance.
In conclusion although for arranging sport events are expensive and cause some issues, it has vast importance at global level. For any sport man as well as sport lover it gives a chance not only to perform but also to entertain. Thus disadvantages of sporting events overweighs the advantages, and I believe that there are too many benefits because of such events.
Hi Jt6112, or I guess Jt6112’s brother! I think your writing is very good, but I don’t know if you really addressed the topic directly enough. You have shown why you think these events are important and beneficial, but you did not really discuss the ramifications of a particular city or country hosting these events. I thought your were going to discuss more of the issue outlined in this news article: slate.com/articles/news_and_ … cracy.html
If you want to use your ideas, I would go the extra step and tell how since these events are so important, it is a country’s duty to host them, even if there is a big risk of losing a lot of money by doing so. Also, if you are going to discuss both the advantages and disadvantages, your thesis statement should reflect this. Instead in your thesis statement you seemed to imply that you would focus on the advantages. Maybe for your first body paragraph you could say something like “Firstly, as critics point out … organizing” and then at the end say “Still these costs are negligible compared to the long term benefits hosting an event of this nature will bring” or something like that, so show that these disadvantages are relatively minor.