Do famous athletes and entertainers deserve high salaries?

Please correct my essay. Thank you.


I totally agree with the idea that some famous athletes and entertainers deserve the salaries with millions of dollars every year because of all things they bring to their employers and to us.

The events, programs or entertainment products with the attending of these athletes or entertainers can make a profit with numerous of money. The famous classical film, Titanic, which was finished in 1997, casting by two stars Leonardo DiCaprio and Kate Winslet brought Twentieth Century Fox Film Corporation a turnover of billions of dollars. An album of the late king of pop music, Michael Jackson, could bring producers a lot of money. Or thanks to excellent football players, like Wayne Rooney of Manschester United or Daniel Drogba of Chelsea, these well-known clubs can earn huge profits from agreements with sponsors, TV right and entrance tickets. Therefore, this is a rational basis for their high salaries.

In addition, the famous athletes and entertainers bring joy and pleasure for people all over the world. A football match is an occasion for us to meet our friends and discuss about players. A good film casting by good actors is usually shown on television or cinema of many countries. They help watchers in relaxing or releasing the stress. Moreover, from these films, people can learn how to love, how to treat family members, neighbours and other people better. A good song with nice lyrics can make people to find many meaningful things in life. For example, Heal The World was a song of Micheal Jackson that sent a message to all people that we must stop fighting, help the children, make this world to become a better place.

To become a common athlete or entertainer, they are required many things: strength, youth, talent. And if they want to be famous, they have to try harder and harder. They must practice every day. A football player or an actor who is no longer clever than he was may be replaced by another.

In summary, because of their talents, their efforts, and all of things they bring to us, they deserve to receive millions of dollars every year.

TOEFL listening discussions: Why did the young woman sit in the rear seat of the car?

Please correct my essay. Thank you.


I totally agree with the idea that some famous athletes and entertainers deserve theIR salaries with OF millions of dollars every year because of all THE things they bring to their employers and to us.

The events, programs or entertainment products with the attending of these athletes or entertainers can make a profit with numerous of money. The famous classical film, Titanic, which was finished in 1997, casting by two stars Leonardo DiCaprio and Kate Winslet brought Twentieth Century Fox Film Corporation a turnover of billions of dollars. An album of the late king of pop music, Michael Jackson, could bring producers a lot of money. Or thanks to excellent football players, like Wayne Rooney of Manschester United or Daniel Drogba of Chelsea, these well-known clubs can earn huge profits from agreements with sponsors, TV right and entrance tickets. Therefore, this is a rational basis for their high salaries.

In addition, the famous athletes and entertainers bring joy and pleasure for people all over the world. A football match is an occasion for us to meet our friends and discuss about players. A good film casting by good actors is usually shown on television or cinema of many countries. They help watchers in relaxing or releasing the stress. Moreover, from these films, people can learn how to love, how to treat family members, neighbours and other people better. A good song with nice lyrics can make people to find many meaningful things in life. For example, Heal The World was a song of Micheal Jackson that sent a message to all people that we must stop fighting, help the children, make this world to become a better place.

To become a common athlete or entertainer, they are required many things: strength, youth, talent. And if they want to be famous, they have to try harder and harder. They must practice every day. A football player or an actor who is no longer clever than he was may be replaced by another.

In summary, because of their talents, their efforts, and all of things they bring to us, they deserve to receive millions of dollars every year.
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Good morning Doda. Although this is basically a good essay, it suffers from poor sentence structure. It requires to be rewritten in a much better form.

TipS;
Don’t begin sentences with; and, but, also; anyway, besides, or.
Try to eliminate unnecessary words in your writing. They will frustrate both your readers and your TOEFL examiner.

Kitos. 6/10

Dear Kitosdad,

Thank you very much for your tips.
I rewrote my essay and I hope that it is better than my old one. Please help me check it.


People necessitate money to support their needs in lives and there are many ways to make money. However, depending on the nature of each job, they can have a low or high income. Because of all the things which some famous athletes and entertainers bring to their employers and to us, I believe that they deserve to be paid millions of dollars every year.

It is obviously that these famous athletes and entertainers can make a lot of money for their employers. People would like to pay money, even much more than usual, to watch them playing in a sport events, performing in a music concert, or acting in a movie. At the largest festival of football in 2010, World Cup, many people in South Africa waited in line for many hours to buy a ticket for the final match. Two well-known actors, Leonardo DiCaprio and Kate Winslet, who acted in 1997 blockbuster movie Titanic, helped Twentieth Century Fox Film Corporation to earn billions of dollars. Therefore, they deserve such high salaries.

In addition, the famous athletes and entertainers bring more joy, pleasure and happiness to people all over the world. A comedy makes us feel relaxing and helps in releasing all of our stress. A romance movie or a drama teaches us how to treat family members and other people better. A good song with nice lyrics, like Heal the world of Michael Jackson, can make us realize many meaningful things in life. It sent a message to all of people that we must stop fighting, live in peace, help the children and make this world become a better place.

Furthermore, besides having special talent, these famous athletes and entertainers practice very hard everyday. It takes a lot of time for an actor to learn real emotions and express in a movie. Sometimes, a movie scene that happens in few seconds may be shot over and over hundreds of times because it does not make the director satisfied. Athletes also work with heavy training programs to maintain the strength and improve their achievements. Moreover, an injure while practicing can destroy their life-works.

In summary, because of their talents, their efforts and many things they make to us, they can have what they deserve.

Dear Kitosdad,

Thank you very much for your tips.
I rewrote my essay and I hope that it is better than my old one. Please help me check it.


People necessitate REQUIRE money to support their needs in THEIR lives and there are many ways FOR THEM to make money. However, depending on the nature of each job, they can have a low or high income. Because of all the BENEFITS which some famous athletes and entertainers bring to their employers and to us, I believe that they deserve to be paid millions of dollars every year.

It is obviously that these famous athletes and entertainers can make a lot of money for their employers. People would WILLINGLY pay money, even much more than usual, to watch them playing in a sport event, performing in a music concert, or acting in a movie. At the largest festival of football in 2010, World Cup, many people in South Africa waited in line for many hours to buy a ticket for the final match. Two well-known actors, Leonardo DiCaprio and Kate Winslet, who acted in THE 1997 blockbuster movie Titanic, helped Twentieth Century Fox Film Corporation to earn billions of dollars. Therefore, they deserve such high salaries.

In addition, the famous athletes and entertainers bring more joy, pleasure and happiness to people all over the world. A comedy makes us feel relaxED and helps in releasing all of our stress. A romanTIC movie or a drama teaches us how to treat family members and other people better. A good song with nice lyrics, like “Heal the world” of Michael Jackson, can make us realize many meaningful things in life. It sent a message to all of people that we must stop fighting, live in peace, help the children and make this world become a better place.

Furthermore, besides having special talent, these famous athletes and entertainers practice very hard everyday. It takes a lot of time for an actor to learn real emotions and express THEM in a movie. Sometimes, a movie scene that happens in few seconds may be shot over and over, hundreds of times, because it does not SATISFY the director. Athletes also work with heavy training programs to maintain theIR strength and improve their achievements. Moreover, an injurY while practising can destroy their FUTURES.

In summary, because of their talents, their efforts and many things they BRING to us, they deserve WHAT THEY RECEIVE.
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Good morning Doda. That was quite an impressive improvement. Keep it up!

Kitos. 8.5/10