Did I, didn't I?


When I was working full time I used to do a round trip (there and back) of some 90 miles. Fortunately while I was travelling out of London, the poor devils on the other side were trying to get into London and so my journey was relatively peaceful. Likewise on the way home the other drivers were all coming out of London one behind the other - bumper to bumper as we say. Nevertheless I got to hear some good music and plays on my journeys to and fro. What was spooky is that sometimes when I eventually got to work, I would wonder why I didn’t remember passing a particular landmark on the route. I knew the road so well that I almost ‘sleepdrove’ , as it were,through certain places without knowing that I had done it. To come to my point; this is related to a state of mind that I can’t find an English expression for and so I fall back on a French expression folie de doute. This is where you can’t remember whether you have done something or not. You know the kind of thing - you’re halfway down the motorway and you’re out for the whole day when a nagging fear develops inside your head and you start asking yourself: Did I turn the fire off? Did I switch off the electric iron? Did I lock the front door? and so on and so on. I used to think this was an early warning system about the approach of old age but I know there are plenty of young people who experience the same thing. How about you?
There’s just one thing that is starting to bother me right now. Have I mentioned this before on the forum? I know Slava will know if I have.



From my point of view, this looks quite different. I just don’t lumber (can we say so?) my mind with useless thoughts, because there is always somebody home to turn gas off but I tend to worry about many things, for example early in the morning I start to panic, when I have only two minutes to pack all books, notes scattered everywhere in my room. I also tried to reconcile lengthening my sleeping hours with punctuality. Unfortunately, it seems impossible, at least in my case. Maybe, it’s our human nature that we often worry.