Dear Sirs please check my statement

Throughout history man has always sought to achieve success both professionally and personally, for which reason man passes through a series of process that lead to that end.
As a high school student, my country went through one of the worst economic and political crisis which had dire consequences on the welfare of its citizens. At my age I thought that one of the causes of this crisis was that Ecuador did not have properly trained people to administer public and private institutions, and therefore could not take the right decisions. Living this experience, I decided to study hard and be an excellent professional to contribute my knowledge to the development of the country.
Throughout my student life, I have always been an outstanding student in school, high school and in the university.
At the age of 18 during my senior year of high school, I decided to travel to the United States of America as an exchange student at Franklin High School in Virginia. This trip was one of the best experiences of my life because it gave me the privilege to know other cultures, as well as, improve my English.
When I returned to Ecuador, I enrolled in the Law School at Central University to become a lawyer. In college, I stood out as being a good student and classmate. On several occasions I served as president of the course and was a candidate to the board of my faculty.
Currently I am working for an oil company as legal counsel. In this company, I have applied my knowledge of oil and mining law that I learned in college. This experience has provided me with an expertise in the development of oil contracts with the state, the impact that would generate if the contracts are not done properly, their effects, oil negotiations, environmental remediation and more.
Being in touch daily with oil-related issues awoke my interest in learning more about the rules, the national and international laws that exist on this issue and the environmental remediation to be done before an such an activity.
Whereas I study more about international environmental and oil laws, my interest grows bigger it fascinates me to study it. The idea of knowing that I will acquire new knowledge and apply it on behalf of my country is extremely exciting to me. I enjoy every opportunity I have to expand my knowledge.
I want to study in the United States because this country has greater knowledge and experience in the management of oil resources and environmental remediation. Ecuador is an oil country, which needs trained professionals in this area. In the national constitution of 2008, Ecuador granted rights to environmental efforts so that these two areas of study, oil and environmental remediation, are complementary.
Studying a postgraduate degree will be a big step in reaching the goal I had as a youth: to be a good professional and provide much knowledge in the development of my country.


TOEFL listening discussions: Why does the student visit the adviser’s office?

Hi, I thought your statement was pretty good. You might want to be a bit more specific in your qualifications and background. I do like the fact that you have a specific goal - make sure you make it clear how this institution and program can help you meet that goal. I did not like your opening paragraph very much though - it would probably be better just to leave it out. I think you might be interested in this radio segment I heard a few months ago. It might help your listening practice as well! … st-hostage