Could you rate it please

Knowledge Is Power
Everything is in a constant change that entails continual improvement. Needless to say that nothing is generally revolutionized the way education has been in the past decade. Since the technology era has controlled different aspects on our lives, vital betterment on education will be of great impact on the current civilized life. If I ever had a chance to choose a project to improve in my hometown, I would certainly pick the local schools as they have very poor facilities and curriculum.
First of all, local schools in my hometown are in a poor condition. In some classes, chairs are broken and cannot be used. In the other classes, there are not enough chairs for students to sit on. Thus, students sit on the floor. There are not adequate exists inside the classrooms to refresh the air, so a bad smell spreads around the classrooms. Lack of cleanness causes many problems as well. people would notice that some students do not have good comprehension due to the pile of trash that was accumulated on the corners of classrooms. Since it is generally known that cleanliness has a vital effect on humans’ body, students suffer many diseases. Moreover, the levels of safety are miserable. They lack the most fundamental needs, such as first aid box. So many injure students are at fatal risks to fatigue aggravations.
Second, local schools in my hometown have a worthless curriculum and passé methods to learn. Most school books contain out-of-date information. This information does not suit the continuous pace of progress on the current life. Creativeness is ignored and encouragement to thinking is declined in such books. Students’ role is limited to absorbing the information presented in these books, for example, most students’ duties enrolls in doing what their teachers ask for without understanding the main purpose of the information and they are often complacent with the knowledge being told . In addition, most teachers are unqualified, and they lack teaching skills. People barely notice the effective communication between teachers and their students. Beating and screaming have become the most active way teachers use in their teaching; that is, teachers are either too old to bear students’ questions and attitudes or too young to control the classrooms.
In sum, education is the most significant sector that symbolizes the technology lives. Gaining its benefits needs to be supplied with the basic fundamentals such as classrooms and curriculum. Shabby classrooms and useless plans of teaching have become the most alarming aspects that characterize local schools in my hometown. In my opinion, 'Knowledge is power ’ is an indeed saying which emphasizes the meaningful power once it is transferred in an effective way.

TOEFL listening discussions: A conversation between two students in their dormitory during registration week

Hi Hanan, I thought your essay was pretty good. Your introduction was a bit rough - it seemed liked you might have been trying too hard to use some advanced words and phrases, but they did not come together quite right. Your body paragraphs and conclusion were better, though you still had some usage errors and a few odd sounding phrases. Your content was good though and I think you did a good job of addressing the prompt with effective arguments. Overall, I would rate this a 3.5 out of 5, but with a little more work you should not have much trouble improving your score.