Could you please give a piece of advice on my essay?(independent TOEFL essay about whether to interrupt the teachers to correct their mistakes)

English as a Second Language Preparation for and help with the TOEFL® Test and
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Hello everybody,
Please check my essay and give me your suggestion. This is the first essay I write for the test, and I have corrected some grammar mistakes myself. Thanks for your help!

Imagine that you are in a classroom or a meeting. The teacher or the meeting leader says something incorrect. In your opinion, which of the following is the best thing to do?
–Interrupt and correct the mistake right away
–Wait until the class or meeting is over and the people are gone, and then talk to the teacher or meeting leader
–Say nothing
Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.

My structure:
Wait until the class or meeting is over and the people are gone, and then talk to the teacher or meeting leader
1.Politeness
2.Efficiency
3.Helpfulness - concession

My essay:

It is hard to deny that when a teacher or a meeting leader says something incorrect in the classroom or the meeting, it is beneficial to everybody presenting if a person stands out to point out the mistake and then give out the right one immediately. And such a fact leads impressionable people to generate the idea that when people are under the same circumstances, they are supposed to interrupt and correct the mistake right away. However, such a statement suffers from both logical and factual fallacies, and it should be examined meticulously. As far as politeness, efficiency, and helpfulness are concerned, I strongly hold that when encountering the same situation, people are believed to wait until the class or meeting is over and the people are gone, and then talk to the teacher or meeting leader.

First and foremost, it is of politeness for people to wait until the end and then talk to the teacher or meeting leader to correct the mistake owing to the fact that people with a good education never interrupt others’ talking. Instead, they will continue to listen carefully and later express their ideas. On the contrary, interrupting others when they are speaking is always regarded as rude behavior, which is always being related to the lack of good education and enough respect towards the people in front of the classroom. It can be imagined that only if such a kind of thing is done, there is no doubt that everyone else will consider it as the absence of politeness.

Furthermore, the fact that waiting until the end of the class or meeting won’t influence the normal process and ensure its total atmosphere indicates that this behavior is of great efficiency. Take the case of one of my classmates, a diligent and outstanding student, who used to find the mistakes the teachers made in classes a lot of times. But on each occasion instead of pointing it out at once, he chose to have it talked with the teacher after class. As a result, not only did the teachers not get bothered and the classes moved on successfully, but also the mistakes were made right. Had it not been for the classes were not interrupted, teachers would not continue their flow of logical teaching if being stopped all of a sudden.

Nevertheless, a voice arises that if a person interrupts and makes the correctness at once, others presenting will know about this and be benefited from it too, which sounds to be of great helpfulness. Ironically, thanks to the development of internet technology, it is convenient for people to surf the information on the internet, from which they can easily solve the problem. Besides, if the one who finds out the mistake talks to the professor after meeting, what the professor only needs to do is to inform everyone of it through the university website, and even with more details and further explanation. Therefore, waiting until the class or meeting is over to correct the mistake is obviously more helpful.

In a nutshell, I maintain it is surely the best choice for people to wait until the class or meeting is over and the people are gone, and then talking to the teacher or meeting leader when the teacher or the meeting leader says something incorrect. It is of vital significance to behave in a suitable way in all circumstances, and after taking politeness, efficiency, and helpfulness into consideration, this choice suits this situation from all aspects. Although many people may oppose me, I do believe they will compromise after being opposed to my article.

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Hi, let’s start with correcting the spelling of the word ‘grammar’.

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Thanks for your help! This is such a stupid mistake. Following your advice, I have tried to use some basic Internet applications to correct some spelling mistakes.

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I don’t think ‘stands out’ works here. Using two phrasal verbs in such proximity is not a good idea so I would remove ‘stands out’ entirely.

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So should I make my sentences more concise? I understand this, but I think it is difficult to judge whether the words I used are redundant.

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The only thing you can do is to reread the text and do some critical thinking to decide which words are redundant or not.

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This is one of many sentences of your that are simply too long and therefore difficult to understand.

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I completely agree with you Torsten and might I add that therefore people will not even bother to read more.

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Dear ZY_Yang

You have written very good essay and your imagination about correcting teachers mistakes after class room, meeting the teacher or leader about pointing out the mistakes of her/his teaching. How far your suggestion/correction is 100% correct and who will correct your mistakes when you correcting your teachers mistakes. Instead of pointing the teacher’s mistake, you can ask your teacher to correct the mistakes by herself, suggesting to go through online to rectify the mistake and further it should not come. It is my suggestion.

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After taking your advice, I rewrite my second paragraph and try my best to avoid sentences that are too long to read. Here is it:
First and foremost, it is of politeness for people to wait until the end and then talk to the presenter to correct the mistake. In traditional East Asia culture, it is always regarded as one of the rudest behavior to interrupt others when they are speaking. What is worse, it can also be related to the lack of enough respect towards the speakers, which may annoy them. To avoid being considered as the absence of politeness, people with a good education never interrupt others’ talking. Instead, they will continue to listen carefully and later express their ideas. Therefore, the presenter will not feel offended and consider you as the one who treats others politely and respectfully.

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Sounds very odd. I’m sorry.

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Propriety of behaviour presupposes that the listener does not interrupt the speaker during their presentation. To do so is tantamount to being rude to the speaker. In the traditional East Asian culture, such an interruption may be regarded as an act of gross impoliteness whether or not it annoys the speaker. Normally, people who are educated would patiently listen to the speaker until they conclude their talk, and then raise their questions.

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I’d say now we’re talking.

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I have the same feeling too now. I think I should change it to ‘To avoid being blamed for lacking politeness’ .

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From your sample, I think I should add a brief reasoning or explaining section between my examples and my paragraph topic. Besides, my exemplification should be more logical. Thanks.

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Here is mine. It was quite difficult to write this essay. I’d be more than happy to receive suggestions.

In many cultures, teachers and leaders are considered as important figures and that is mostly because they wise and well-prepared people. Therefore, it is hard to contradict their beliefs or thoughts. It has happened that even a enlighten speaker makes mistakes, and when they do so we need to let them notice. If I was in a meeting where the expert leader says something wrong, I would interrupt the meeting to make this error noticeable, and I will explore the reasons why I would act like this in the following essay.
First, it is not right to let the audience believe that what they are hearing is right. We all have been intentionally in a meeting or class to learn, consequently we go home with a bunch of new information collected from that meeting. Would not be wrong to go home with erroneous information? Furthermore, most people discuss the learned information with outsiders, would you consider correct to spread wrong information? In my experience, the right thing to do, is to make the mistake noticeable in front of everyone therefore the spectators together with the leader can discuss it in real time, also by doing this we can prevent from spreading false facts. For instance, while reading a power point presentation being discussed by my biology teacher I noticed that under the gram negative bacteria (group of microorganism) slide she wrote the description of the opposite group of bacteria which was supposed to be on the next slide. Sadly, I opted to keep my thoughts to myself and let everyone in class to copy identically all the errors directly to their notebooks. Three days after I discovered that due to my silence and by not pointing up the mistake the teacher had done, most of the students had low grades on their biology test.
Second, when a person stands in front of a group of people to talk about a specific topic this person must dominate most aspects of it with the intention of answering the audience’s doubts and concerns. There had been multiple times when the students ask relevant questions and there is no answer back which could be considered as an error from part of the instructor. These events must be taken as negative feedback to the professor to make him conscious about it but also to foment more extensive research of a topic before presenting it to the class. Such is the case of the last school president when had a meeting with some of the school’s leaders to debate about the new library rules. The student president’s lack of interest was noticeable by the meeting’s members every time it was time for him to debate in favor of students and he was wordless. Hence he avoid the opportunity to represent the rest of the students when they asked him to give ideas on how to improve the library system.
In conclusion, I strongly agree that it could be more remarkable to clarify the errors than to maintain erroneous information for both audience and leader. This is because we all are capable of learning and succeed after a mistake; it is true that what does not kill you makes you stronger.

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