could you please correct my essay( technology and less creativness in children)

Topic: technology has made children less creative than they were before
My essay:

Some people hold the opinion that technology has made their lives much easier. But it also has had some disadvantages for them. Actually, in my point of view, technology has caused children to be less creative than they were in the past.

the first aspect to point out is that technology has reduced the ability of creation in children, providing them more welfare and affording their needs more than before. One of the most important causes of creation in children in the past was the limitation they had in terms of providing their needs and interest. In fact when children cannot access to whatever they need easily ,they will have to find a good solution on their own by which they reach their willingness, so this will stimulate creativeness in children, which no longer do we see in children now because of having more comfort and convenience.

Along with having more easiness which technology has provisioned for them, the progress of technology has been associated with fewer physical movements in children which cause them to have lower ability to be creative. In fact, physical movements establish more motivation and interest to think ,due to increasing the blood circulation in body ,and as result, it will eventually increase the ability of creation in children over different issues. Hence the fewer body movements they have today, the less creative they have became.

In a word, the ability of creativeness in children has been reduced by progress of technology through providing much convenient lives for them and decreasing the amount of their physical activities.

TOEFL listening lectures: A lecture from an american literature class

Hi Ariana, sorry, but I didn’t like this essay quite as much as some of your other recent ones. It seemed to have a lot more odd sounding word choices and awkward phrases and to me, it wasn’t that convincing. Overall, I would rate this a 3.5 out of 5.