Could you please correct my essay?prepare children for adult life

One the best ways to prepare children for adult life taking part time job by their parents.

There is an undeniable fact the children’s parents are first responsible for upbringing and educating their children. On the other hand, from social values view, parents have some commitments to educate their teenage children to prepare them for children’s adult life because there is no doubt there are wide spectrum difference between the life in home and the life out of home’ walls for children. One of the most crucial tactics to reach this goal, prepare children for adult life, is providing an appropriate opportunity for children to take part time job. From my perspective taking a part time profession can bring a lot of valuable advantages for children. I will explicate my vantage points through the ensuing reasons.

To begin with,the most persuasive point is that taking part time job can provide the best opportunity to figure out and assess the real characteristics of personality of children in facing new and unexpected events happen in their work environment. Nobody can gainsay the fact that there is a colossal difference between personalities that is shown in home and outside the home by children. Most children are completely depended on their parents in facing variety of problems and they cannot make a decision independently. There is no doubt having decision-making ability independently is indispensible part of being in an adult life of each person. I strongly believe that taking part time job can improve that ability because children will have to make decisions in their milieu work without getting parent’s helps.

Furthermore, the quality and quantity of experiences of children will be improved and increased by taking a part time career. The more experienced, the children are, the best adult life, the children have. Children will be faced with range new events out of their homes that they cannot experience them during their children life at all. Having enough and valuable experiences can help children to handle and manage the adult life in their future. Children who have a part time job, for example, can understand every well the difficulties of earing an amount which are got by their parents and children first learned how mange the budget and handle the family’ needs.

To put it in a nut shell, by taking all the aforementioned reasons into account, we reach to the conclusion that taking part time job is one of the best way to prepare children for adult life. Firstly, parents and children can find out the exalt abilities of children. Secondly, the children’s experiences and personality are fortified by taking a part time occupation.

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Hi Dr. Ram. I think this is one of your best essays. Your writing in this one seemed very clear, with only a few odd sounding phrases. You have some grammatical errors, but it is not too bad. Your first body paragraph did seem a little confusing to me - see my comments below. If you could make that part a little more clear, I would rate this a 4 out of 5.