Could you please correct my essay? (Old vs. New Friends)

[SepideForoutan]

Agree or disagree? keeping your old friends is more important than making new friends.

I believe that having good friends has a pivotal role in every one’s life and nobody can ignore the fact that sometimes your friends are far much better than your family. I categorically agree that keeping your old friends is more important than make new friends since you can know each other deeper and spend your time for some important limited friends. Also, it shows your friends that you never exchange them with anybody.

The most important aspect of having some old friends in your life is that there are always some people that know you completely and are familiar with your thought, believes and spirit. So, if you encounter any situation that may need consolation or help, you can simply refer to your old friends and they can lend you a hand in an appropriate way because they have a comprehensive vision of you and your abilities.

In addition, I believe that making new friends necessitate more time and more effort since you have to try to become closer to them, apprehend and satisfy them. Although making new friends sometimes sounds very appealing and can be a new experience in your life, you have to note that you will be obliged to spend your time accordingly and you will be forced to schedule your time and split up your entertainments, talking and even your affection and attention between your friends. So I think it will be an arduous work.

Finally, if you always attempt to make new friends, it will be possible that you lose your old friends. Imagine that you want to be familiar with some new friends because of particular goals; it causes you to concentrate on them and your old friends maybe will be ignored. So when your old friends see that you simply omit them because of your new friends, benefits or good situation, they will start to pale their relationship with you and maybe never come back to you since they do not trust you anymore.

To put it in a nut shell, I would prefer to keep my old friends because we can comprehend each other in-depth, expend more time for them and convince them that I never forget my old friends just because of some new friends.

TOEFL listening discussions: A conversation in a professor’s office between a professor and a student

[Luschen]

Hi Sepide, I thought your essay was pretty good, but you did have some odd word choices and a few errors in usage and grammar. Overall, I would rate this a 4 out of 5.

@SepideForoutan

Agree or disagree? keeping your old friends is more important than making new friends.

I believe that having good friends has[plays] a pivotal role in every one’s {one word} life and nobody can ignore the fact that sometimes your friends are far much better than your family. I categorically agree that keeping your old friends is more important than mak[ing] new friends since you can know each other [more] deep[ly] and spend your time for[with an] some important limited [number of] friends. Also, it shows your friends that you [would] never exchange them with anybody.

The most important aspect of having some old friends in your life is that there are always some people that know you completely and are familiar with your thought[s ], belie[fs] and spirit. So, if you encounter any situation that [where you] may need consolation or help, you can simply refer to[call on] your old friends and they can lend you a hand in an appropriate way because they have a comprehensive vision of you and your abilities.

In addition, I believe that making new friends necessitate[s ] more time and more effort since you have to try to become closer to them, apprehend {“apprehend” sounds odd here, like you are going to catch them and put them in jail} and satisfy them. Although making new friends sometimes sounds very appealing and can be a new experience in your life, you have to note{“have to realize” is better here} that you will be obliged to spend your time accordingly and you will be forced to schedule your time and split up your entertainments,{“pastimes” is better here} talking[conversations] and even your affection and attention between your friends. So I think it will be an arduous work. {or “an arduous task”}

Finally, if you always attempt to make new friends, it will be possible that you lose your old friends. Imagine that you want to be familiar with some new friends because of particular goals; it causes you to concentrate on them and your old friends maybe will be ignored. So when your old friends see that you simply omit{“omit” sounds odd - “ignore” is better} them because of your new friends, benefits or good situation, they will start to pale{the relationship pales, you can’t pale something} their relationship with you and maybe never come back to you since they do not trust you anymore.

To put it in a nut shell, I would prefer to keep my old friends because we can comprehend each other in-depth,{“in-depth” is an adjective, not an adverb} expend more time for them and convince them that I {don’t switch from “we” to “I” like this} never forget my old friends just because of some new friends.

TOEFL listening discussions: A conversation in a professor’s office between a professor and a student

[SepideForoutan]

Dear Luschen
thank you so much for your time and consideration.