Could you kindly glance on this topic? elderly in house vs nursing home

English as a Second Language Preparation for and help with the TOEFL® Test and
1

First of all, I really appreciate for looking this humble essay.

now I am preparing IELTS and since I am studying without a teacher but with books, there can be a lot of errors on my essay.
Just by telling or correcting a word that you find will be a great help for me.

However, the sentence I bold (I dont’ know what to call it) seems to have some gramatical error but I really don’t know what wrong is. please have a look at it.

People in here are my best teacher ever! Thank you again!

Question :
There are those who believe that grandparents should continue to live with the family. On the other hand, some think that it is better for the elderly to live in nursing homes.
What way of life will be best for the elderly? Defend your opinion with relevant examples or explanations.

Answer :
With unprecedented movements towards cities for better job opportunities, which is called urbanization, most people set up a separate family. As a result, elderly living in dangerous situation. So that many people maintain that elderly should live in nursing homes. While naysayers claim that it is better to live with their families. As for me, living with family seems like the best way for old people. In this essay, I will examine advantages and disadvantages of both living with families and that of nursing homes.

On the one hand, old people who are living with families have certain positive effects not only for elderly but also their family members. Firstly, parents can discipline their children the way how to show respect for elderly while they are living together. There used to be a saying ‘Good parents always lead by example’ and ‘Practice what you preach’. Parents can demonstrate such good behaviors by setting a good example while they live with grandparents. Apart from that, if senior are decent they can educate their grandchildren as good means of showing love and affection. However, there are some downsides of living with family. In general, family members are not adequate to react appropriately in the cases of emergencies. Since ordinary people have not many knowledge and experiences then it may cause serious problems.

On the other hand, nursing home can offer proper facilities and services for elderly. Since there are doctors and nurses working around the clock, aged people can be treated on time. Besides, elderly can be taken care of by licensed staffs in order to prevent getting diseases associated with aging such as hypertension, diabetes mellitus or cerebral accident disease. Nevertheless, nursing home has some drawbacks. Even though they can avoid having diseases, it seems inevitable to feel more loneliness and depression as they are away from their families.

In summary, both staying with families and being accommodating in nursing homes have benefits and negative consequences. In my opinion, advantages of former outweigh that of latter. However, individuals are free to choose which aspects they are patronize.

TOEFL listening discussions: A conversation between a student and a university service representative

2

Hi, I am not a teacher, but as a native speaker I have made some suggestions for your essay. As I said below, for this type of essay I think they want you to choose one side and argue for that exclusively.

3

First of all, I really appreciate for your suggestion which is always so helpful.

In the manner of task response, I was also a little bit curious -> which means I wasn’t sure but now I am very clear which direction I should write a essay.
“always satisfy what essay request first”

However, if you do not mind, I would like to ask questions about my essay.

On the begining of second paragraph, ‘old people… have / has certain positive…’
In my humble knowledge, people is considered as plural. Hence, it seems to use ‘have’ rather than ‘has’. Am I incorrect?

and in the manner of ‘decent’ on the middle of second sentence, I intended to say if senior’s health are allowed to educate their gradnchildren…
Haha;;; Yes, I learned another lesson that inaccurate sentence can give utterly differnet meaning.

and lastly, instead of using the word ‘patronise’, what if I use ‘determine’? does it look better?

Thank you again^^/ (<- this means smiling with waving a arm)

Luschen. Thank you for your time of correction.

4

Hi, I am afraid I did make an error in the second paragraph. Your original sentence was correct grammatically, but saying that old people have effects on the elderly and their family members didn’t sound quite right. What I meant to say was “On the one hand, the concept of old people living with their families has certain positive effects not only for the elderly but also for their family members.” So the concept or idea is the singular subject. But I did not phrase it properly, so you were correct in pointing out my subject/verb mismatch.

What exactly are you trying to say in the last sentence? Do you mean individuals are free to choose how they will live in their later years?