Could you evaluate my Essay, please?!

Dear Sirs,
I am going to take the TOEFL exam next moth so that I need your valuable comments, as usual, and any suggestion for further improvement.

The question was that many people have learned a foreign language in their own country; others have learned a foreign language in the country in which it is spoken. Which is better? Give the advantages of each and support your viewpoint.

My answer is as follow:

Learning languages those days are essentially considered in all people’s life. So, people in the world are trying to learn new languages to easily communicate with others. Therefore, some people have learned foreign language in their country and others have learned it in the country in which it is spoken. In this essay, I will briefly talk about the advantages of each way.

Learning a foreign language in your own country will allow you to keep in touch with your family. This indicates that you will be able to join them for a traditional events as well as being communicated with them even in the weekend. Besides, there are many ways that let you be able to continuo your learning such as using internet and chatting with a person who is speaking it so that you will not miss practicing period. you will be able to find out an online course that reduce the cost from traveling if you are learning a foreign language in your own country.

In contrast, People who have learned a foreign language in the country which it is spoken be able to practice on a daily basis. In addition, he or she is able to make new friends from that country and helping each other. This indicates that the language will be exchanged as well as each one of them will be able to increase the number of friends that he or she knows.

To sum up, people have different ways to learn a foreign language either by studying it in their own country or to travel to the country which it is spoken. Although some people prefer to learn a foreign language in their own country due to either family issues or the cost that will impact during the studying period, I do prefer to study in the country that it is spoken. It will help me to keep practicing the language on a regular basis. In addition, studying a foreign language abroad will allow me to make friendship with people who talk it. Eventually, studying abroad let me know the traditional customs for those people who are spoken it.

Any comments & suggestions will be highly appreciated!!!

Regards,

TOEFL listening discussions: A conversation between two students (1)

Good Essay… I am too inexperiencd to comment on your grammar. Best part of your essay is that, it is well organized.

Having said that , please take another look at the below sentences

  1. Learning languages those days are essentially considered in all people’s life - This sentence didnt make any sense to me . What do you mean by “those days” ? May be you can paraphrase the sentence in a better way. some thing as simple as " Learning a language is essential for all of us " or as complex yet effective as " Nowadays learning different languages, apart from our mother tongue,has become a necessity for all of us.

2)Learning a foreign language in your own country will allow you to keep in touch with your family. This indicates that you will be able to join them for a traditional events as well as being communicated with them even in the weekend :- I think even without the phrase " This indicates that" continuity in the paragraph is maintained .

  1. Eventually, studying abroad let me know the traditional customs for those people who are spoken it.

I suppose, “of” should be used instead of “for” & " speak " instead of " are spoken".Learning it abroad… traditions of those people who speak that language.

  1. Finally, in the context of this essay, usage of the word "Learning " is more appropriate than “Studying”.

On the whole, it it a good essay. All the best for your exam:)

Many thanks Vsravan. I really appreciate your valuable comments.

Regards,