Could someone review my statement of purpose?

Could someone review my statement of purpose, its a bit long so i would be able to do so once i have your email ID.
Thanks in advance

TOEFL listening discussions: A conversation between a professor and his student

Dear Shweta,

Welcome to english-test.net and many thanks for your question. Please read Why should I use the forum instead of email? and let me know what you think.

Best regards,
Torsten[YSaerTTEW443543]

TOEIC listening, question-response: How many hours do you work each week?[YSaerTTEW443543]

Hello!
I got what you wanted to say,I’ll post it in forum itself.

Can you pls review sop for my MA degree.

I will be very greatful!!!

Accurate knowledge of a subject is important as a basis for thorough decision-making. That is how I find one, which most suits me, which I like most and want to specialize on. Studying all subjects at the same level, knowing core ideas of all of them, allows me to compare them in the best possible way and based on thorough judgment choose the most favorable ones for me. It is an old technique following me through whole life from the very beginning of my educational way.
After two years of university, I was left with superficial knowledge of subjects that I studied and few notebooks consisting of only the terms and definitions of all courses taken, except mathematics for which I am so grateful that I had a good professor for. My limited knowledge in these subjects did not satisfy me and therefore, I have bought books for a few disciplines to strengthen my knowledge. It was a late spring when my university independent-study program began and I had a long summer in front of me. One of the books was Russian edition of Economics by McConnell and Brue. I mention this book especially among the others because it had a tremendous influence on me. It opened my mind to new doors and showed me world around me in a different perspective. As a outsider looking to study economics this textbook did a superb job of introducing me to the general concepts of economics, it subfields, and gave me real food for thought.
Self-studying is great but it becomes even better when you can collaborate with someone and share your knowledge and thoughts. On my third university year, I began organizing group study-style classes in economics with my classmate. We began studying chapter-by-chapter and solving exercises at the back of each chapter. I also used the text’s accompanying web site with additional exercises and information as another supplement to my independent study and group-study methods. This web site served as a good assessment tools that allowed me to gauge my knowledge and understanding.
After completing my degree, I already knew that I want to major in economics. Therefore, I started searching for a source of practical usage of theories known. Such a source for me became internet. Most of the news and reports I find on web sites of international organizations like WTO, IMF, OECD and few others.
While reading reports or journal Economist, I understand that my knowledge, especially in a field of interest of the future profession, like macroeconomics and international trade is scarce. Therefore, my knowledge should be expanded and then used in practice. Moreover, I could have learned the same in a relatively small period if I had someone to consult me and people whom I could cooperate with.
In conclusion, I find MA degree the way of filling the breaches in my BA and important step towards being more competitive and equipped for my career development.

Thanks in advance.

Accurate knowledge of a subject is important as a basis for thorough decision-making.
That is how I AM ABLE TO find one which most suits me AND which I like most and want to specialize IN.
Studying all subjects at the same level, AND knowing THE core ideas of all of them, allows me to compare them in the best possible way, and based on thorough judgEment HELPS ME TO choose the most favorable ones for MYSELF.
It is an old technique WHICH I HAVE ADOPTED THROUGH MY whole life, from the very beginning of my education.
After two years AT university, I was left with ONLY A VERY superficial knowledge of THE subjects that I HAD studied and A few notebooks consisting of only the terms and definitions of all THE courses I HAD taken, except mathematics for which I am so grateful that I had a good professor.
My limited knowledge in these subjects did not satisfy me and therefore, I bought books IN a few OF THESE disciplines to FURTHER strengthen my knowledge.

It was a late spring when my university independent-study program began, and I had a long summer AHEAD of me. One of the books was A Russian edition of Economics by McConnell and Brue. I mention this book especially among the others because it had a tremendous influence on me.
It opened my mind to new doors and showed me THE world around me FROM a different perspective. As aN outsider looking to study economics, this textbook did a superb job of introducing me to the general concepts of economics, its sub-fields, and gave me real food for thought.
Self-studying is great, but it becomes even better when you can collaborate with someone and share your knowledge and thoughts.

On my third university year, I began organizing group study-style classes in economics with my classmate/S. We began studying chapter-by-chapter and solving exercises at the back of each chapter. I also used the text’s accompanying web-site, IN TANDEM with additional exercises and information as YET another supplement to my independent studIES and group-study methods.
This web-site served as a good assessment tool that allowed me to gauge my knowledge and understanding.
After completing my degree, I already knew that I wantED to major in economics. Therefore, I started searching for a source of practical usage of KNOWN THEORIES. Such a source for me became THE Internet. Most of the news and reports THAT I FOUND on web-sites of international organizations like WTO, IMF, OECD and few others, PROVED TO BE INVALUABLE TO ME.
While reading reports or THE Economist journal, I CAME TO REALISE that my knowledge, especially in THE field of interest of MY CHOSEN future profession, like macroeconomics and international trade is scarce.
Therefore, my knowledge should be expanded and then used in practice. Moreover, I could have learned the same in a relatively small period if I had HAD someone to consult WITH, and people WITH whom I could HAVE cooperateD.
In conclusion, I find MY PURSUING A MA degree the way of filling the breaches in my BA, and AN important step towards MY being more competitive and BETTER equipped for my career development.


Kitos

Thanks a lot for yr proofread. I was thinking my first paragraph is little confusing and full of big words and i thought to make it more simple maybe like this

My acquaintance with economics began on my first year of university. I took courses in basic economic theory and later in international and maritime economics. In spite of this my real view of economics developed far later.

Or maybe old one is better???

Or maybe it’s better just to add it at the begining of second paragraph???

With many thanks!!!

You are welcome Hawk. Whichever you chose I’m sure it will be well received.

Good luck in your chosen career.

Kitos.

Thanks a lot sir. It’s just for the first time i’m writing my sop in english…

I’m posting my sop ones again since i have reworded some things. Also i have changed some tenses and want to know if they are chosen right.
I don’t want to bother anyone, because I’m posting it again but if someone proofread it again i will really appreciate that.

I just don’t feel confident for asking for help again :(( But for me it is very very important

Thanks in advance for everyone


Accurate knowledge of a subject is important as a basis for thorough decision-making. I know this from my whole life educational experience. While studying at school, I was trying to get to the core ideas of all the subjects I was studying. This technique was allowing me, to compare them in the best possible way and based on thorough judgment, choose a few ones I was devoting more of my time and attention. Even at university, it helped me to find my real area of interest.
After two university years, I was left with superficial knowledge of the subjects that I had studied and a few notebooks consisting of only the terms and definitions of all the courses I had taken, except mathematics for which I am so grateful that I had a good professor for. My limited knowledge in these subjects did not satisfy me and therefore, I have bought books for a few of these disciplines to strengthen my knowledge. It was a late spring when my university independent-study program began and I had a long summer ahead of me. One of the books was Russian edition of Economics by McConnell and Brue. I mention this book especially among the others because it had a big and critical influence on me. Even though, I had already taken courses in basic and international economics, this very book developed my real view of economics. It opened my mind to new doors and showed me world around me from a different perspective. This textbook did a superb job of introducing me to the general concepts of economics, it subfields, and gave me real food for thought.
Self-studying is great but it becomes even better when you can enrich it with collaboration with someone and share your knowledge and thoughts. On my third university year, I began organizing group study-style classes in economics with my classmate. We began studying chapter-by-chapter and solving exercises at the back of each chapter. I also used the text’s English accompanying web site with additional exercises and information as another supplement to my independent study and group-study methods. This web site served as a good assessment tools that allowed me to gauge my knowledge and understanding.
After completing my degree, I already knew that I wanted to major in economics. Plenty of factors influenced my decision. What I have found about economics is that its concept’s are at work everywhere, in almost all aspects of every-day life. In my opinion, basic knowledge of economics is important for everyone. It allows at least be an educated citizen, know what is happening in a world around us. Knowledge of it is important in choice and decision-making. The way of thinking which economics taught me, was one of the crucial factors of choosing economics as my major subject.
I started searching for a source of practical usage of known theories, concerning my interest. Such a source for me became the internet. Most of the news and reports I find on web sites of international organizations like WTO, IMF, OECD and few others, proved to be invaluable to me. While reading reports or the Economist journal, I came to realize that my knowledge, especially in the field of interest of my chosen future profession, like macroeconomics and international trade is scarce. Therefore, my knowledge should be expanded and then used in practice. Moreover, I could have learned the same in a relatively small period if I had someone to consult me and people whom I could cooperate with.
In conclusion, I find pursuing a Master’s degree the way of filling the breaches in my Bachelor’s and important step towards being more competitive and equipped for my career development.


Accurate knowledge of a subject is important as a basis for thorough decision-making.
I know this from my whole life educational experience.
WhilST studying at school, I was trying to get to the core ideas of all the subjects I was studying.
This technique was allowing me to compare them in the best possible way, and based on thorough judgEment, choose a few ones I was devoting more of my time and attention TO.
Even at university, it helped me to find my real area of interest.
After two years AT university I left with ONLY A superficial knowledge of the subjects that I had studied, and a few notebooks consisting of only the terms and definitions of all the courses I had taken, except mathematics, for which I am so grateful that I had a good professor.
My limited knowledge in these subjects did not satisfy me; and therefore I have bought books for a few of these disciplines to strengthen my knowledge.
It was a late spring when my university independent-study program began, and I had a long summer ahead of me.
One of the books was the Russian edition of Economics by McConnell and Brue.
I mention this book especially among the others because it had a big and critical influence on me.
Even though I had already taken courses in basic and international economics, this very book developed my real view of economics.
It opened my mind to new concepts and showed me the world around me from a different perspective.
This text-book did a superb job of introducing me to the general concepts of economics, it sub-fields, and gave me real food for thought.

Self-studying is great, but it becomes even better when you can enrich it IN collaboration with someone and share your knowledge and thoughts.
On my third university year, I began organizing group study-style classes in economics with my classmate.
We began studying chapter-by-chapter and solving exercises at the back of each chapter.
I also used the text’s English accompanying web site, with additional exercises and information as another supplement to my independent study and group-study methods. This web site served as a good assessment tools that allowed me to gauge my knowledge and understanding.
After completing my degree, I already knew that I wanted to major in economics.
Plenty of factors influenced my decision. What I have found about economics is that its concepts are at work everywhere, in almost all aspects of every-day life.
In my opinion, basic knowledge of economics is important for everyone.
It allows ONE at least TO beCOME an educated citizen BY UNDERSTANDING AND ACKNOWLEDGING what is happening in THE world around us.
Knowledge of THIS is important in choice and decision-making.
The way of thinking which economics taught me, was one of the crucial factors of choosing economics as my major subject.
I started searching for a source of practical usage of known theories concerning my interest. Such a source for me became the Internet.
Most of the news and reports I find on web sites of international organizations like WTO, IMF, OECD and few others, proved to be invaluable to me.
While reading reports or the “Economist journal”, I came to realize that my knowledge, especially in the field of interest of my chosen future profession, like macroeconomics and international trade is SCANT. Therefore, my knowledge should be expanded and then used in practice. Moreover, I could have learned the same in a relatively small period OF TIME had I HAD someone to GUIDE me and people WITH whom I could HAVE COOPERATED.
In conclusion, I find pursuing a Master’s degree the IDEAL way of filling the breaches in my Bachelor’s and AN important step towards being more competitive and equipped for my career development.


I’ve done my best to improve it Hawk. You will need to read it carefully because I have removed and added wherever I thought helpful.

Good luck. Kitos.

Thank you sir very much!!!

I really appreciate yr help and time you are waisting on my essay.

Thanks a lot!

I want to add this sentence at the beginning of one paragraph.

My interest in macroeconomic policy making, theories of economic growth and international trade shaped my decision of looking forward to a job in a governmental sector.

How accurate this sentense is???

I want to add this sentence at the beginning of one paragraph.

My interest in macroeconomic policy-making, theories ON economic growth and international trade, HAVE ALL shaped my decision IN looking forward to a job in a governmental sector.

Thanks Mr Kitosdad!!!

You are my rescuer!!!

I don’t know how to thanks you!!!

Today I’m already sending my sop and will rest after months of rushes and thinking!!!

I really appreciate yr great help!!!

I was not really expecting that someone will help me so much!!

Big thanks to this forum that it exists!!!

:* :* :*

I only do the best I can Hawk. All of our members deserve no less. Good luck!

Kitos.

Hello Sir,

Could someone review my statement of purpose, its a bit long and I am unable to make any relation between the thought and the 1st para…?
Thanks in advance

“All our dreams can come true, if we have the courage to pursue them.”
-Walt Disney
Accurate knowledge of a subject is important as a basis for thorough decision-making. Whilst studying at school, I was trying to get to the core ideas of all the subjects I was studying. This technique was allowing me, to compare them in the best possible way and based on thorough judgment, choose a few ones I was devoting more of my time and attention to find my real area of interest.
My interest in Manufacturing Sector stemmed its roots up when I first visited Tata Motors plant in Pune when I was in 9th std. as a school educational trip. It was among the largest plants established by Tata Motors in India. Over there, the vast assembly line and all the big machines fascinated me to take a deep look into it. From that day, the whole mechanical and automobile thing caught my head. As I passed my 10th std with good grades, it was my choice to take up Science in my high school and get myself in line with what made me think a lot i.e. Mechanical Engineering.
When I was in high school, during summer vacations, I used to visit my father’s manufacturing company. My father has his own business of manufacturing various types of Box files and Office files. I used to wonder ‘how does dad manage to handle all this production work?’ Due to this observation of mine, I had no hesitation in my mind that I am going to work on an engineering field which has manufacturing at its helm. Hence I pursued mechanical engineering after my high school as my undergraduate major and focused a lot on manufacturing related courses. I even performed exceedingly well in those courses. When I started getting in-depth knowledge in courses like Manufacturing, Planning and Control, I could comprehend the actions in my dad’s manufacturing plant much vividly.
I am applying for Masters Degree in Manufacturing Systems Engineering. Coursework in this field focuses on an understanding of manufacturing processes and systems and the ability to be innovative and creative in operations decision making and execution. The main aim of Manufacturing Systems Engineering is to reduce the complexities and make operations simpler and increase production with proper management. In this field, I would get full exposure to many new techniques of manufacturing systems. It is a field of innovative ideas. Also, manufacturing field not only deals with the production type but it also deals with the management skills. As manufacturing becomes increasingly knowledge-based, companies demand more of their professionals. Engineers need to be specialized experts with broad systems and business understanding. The purpose of doing this course is to sharpen my engineering skills and broaden my business knowledge.