could someone help me to correct my topic b/f my next week test plsss.tks so much

Do you agree or disagree the following statement?The rapid growth cities today’s should have a positive effect on the development of the society.

A developing of a country would bring many benefits that change the society and effect the country as the whole. There is no choice when a city grow rapidly that elevate the people lives as much as technology and economic grow. Therefore, the rapid growth cities today should have many positive effects.

First of all, rapid growth cities boost economic strength and help the country as a whole grow faster and more dynamically. It is certainly a resolution of lots of issues (e.g., employment, life quality, family welfare, economy, and technology advancement, etc). More specifically, as the economy grows stronger, more jobs are created and more banks, supermarkets, schools, etc. are built, all of which will ultimately make people’s lives a lot more convenient and result in substantial improvements in other social aspects as well. Moreover, a growth city stimulate the remote villages, increase the comsumption and productivity. By then, it effects on the economy of the whole country.

Secondly, the city growth rapidly definitely bring an amazing visuable effectiveness through education system. With the comfortable economy, the government be able to support best equipment in education. The next generation will possibly study with advanced technology at school and also, reduce the unfortunate one that university just in their dream such as: more scholarships, reducing tuition fee. The farmer’s children cease suffering an endess farm work but replace by the work in the factory or company.

Besides these positive effects, some negative environmental issues might arise, such as pollution and industrial gas emissions. However, I believe that these risks can be vastly outweighed by the potential benefits if appropriate preventive actions are taken in a timely manner.
In consideration of all the above, I’d rather choose a rapid growth city with some side-effects that can be prevented than an underdeveloped city lagging behind.

Dear Sunninguyen,
Please, allow me the following observations:

The country’s development would bring… affect the whole country.
There is no choice… The rapid growth of a city elevates/INCREASES what? as much as technological and economic growth. Therefore, the rapid growth would have…

First, rapid… BOOSTS… helps the entire country grow faster… It would certainly solve a lot of issues, such as. More… are built.(LONG SENTENCE) Thus people’s lives would be more convenient and people would notice/observe substantial… as well. Moreover, a… stimulates the growth of remote villages, increases consumption and productivity. Then, it affects the whole country economy.

Second, the city… DEFINITELY(I think you should choose definitely or rapidly) brings about an amazing, noticeable/NOTABLY efficient education system. A developing economy would enable the government to provide the best equipment/facilities to schools. The next generations would would… at school. Thus/hence hte universities would provide more scholarships, reduced tuition fees to poor people. The farmer’s childre would cease suffering from an endless farming work and those children would be working in factores and companies as well.

Besides… actions are taken timely.

  In conclusion, I'd rather.. a city rapidly growing, even though development has some disadvantages that can be prevented.

I’m very appreciate your support, Jose Sarto. I need to practice more writting that my test coming too close. I’m stress out. However, if you were the examiner, how many point would you score me on this essay? Last time I got only 20 on my writing but I need higher around 23. What would you advise me to gain my point pls?

Dear friend,

Thanks for counting on my support. First, I think you need to improve some grammar points. For instance, you should have written I appreciated, I’m stressed out. See if you can have someone, near you, to help you improve your grammar knowledge.

Second, try to write SHORT sentences. The English language has S + V + O Sentence order. Subject plus verb plus object.

I will go back to your writing and I will add some more information later on. But I’m not the best judge, ok? Thanks for your precious attention. Take care and good luck.

José Sarto - Brazil

yes, you right. I’m always missing the regulation in grammar. I will pay more attention on that eventhough I’m bad in grammar. Thanks for your immediately response.

Hi dear friend,

Excuse my insistence, but see these: pay attention to… and thanks for your immediate responde. On immediately you can write I’m going immediately. On this site look for more practice of adjectives and adverbs. Thanks for immediately responding to me. Another good practice is learning the prepositions, so learning a new language is a real challenge, isn’t it? Anyways, I’m looking forward to our next exchange. Good luck.

adverb: immediately adjective: immediate Do you see the difference? Bye for now.

NOT GOOD AT STH: BAD AT, so I’m bad at grammar. Thanks again.

oh my, I know it was so bad. thanks again for corrections.