Correction/Music :) (:

Hi!Everyone :slight_smile:

Please,could you help me to proofread this essay?
Thank you for your help.

Some people think music serve different purpose in society while others think it is only a form of entertainment. What is your view?

Listening to music is the favorite pastime of many people all over the world. Hence, to entertainment is a main function of music. In addition there is a variety of music, which has special functions for some different purposes.

A main musical function is to be a form of recreation in our modern life. For doing this, ten thousands of talented musicians have dedicated themselves in the music industry to create all kinds of beautiful music. This is a wonderful thing for common people and can let us enjoy more good songs. Another one is the technology such as the internet, radio, CD, MP3, etc., which make the music fill the air. It let people enjoy their favorite music everywhere.

However, music is not limited to entertainment. It can do more to our life. For example, If a woman were pregnant with baby, she would listen to some special easy music to relax her body and help fetus grow up healthily. This activity is very popular in China and most couples like doing it, although it is not cheap and no scientist has proved it. The next example is more interesting, in some farms which are around my hometown, the farmers let their livestock listen to happy music in the lunch time. Then, they find out that pigs grow up more quickly and hens can lay more legs and dairy cows produce more milk. The two examples show us that music is useful to adjust psychological factors.

In summary, the development of music industry has benefited everyone and let people can enjoy beautiful music everyplace. In spite of this, music can do more to our society such as helping mother have a healthy child or letting livestock quickly grow up or produce more.

TOEFL listening lectures: What does ‘monotreme’ mean?

Hi, please see my corrections below. I think the prompt wanted you to pick a side and defend it - either music is for entertainment or music has other purposes. You sort of defended both sides. I think your third paragraph was the best because you used good examples.

Hi, Luschen

Thank you for correction. It does help me.
My first paragraph should be written as below:

Listening to music is the most favorite pastime for many people all over the world. This is especially true in modern society by inventions of new technology. However, not only can music entertain people, but it also have other important functions.

I admit one main function of music is to be a form of recreation in our modern life.—

What is your advice about this new paragraph ?

I think your new paragraph is an improvement. Maybe something like this would flow a little better:

“Listening to music is a favorite pastime for many people all over the world. In our modern society, the advent of new technology has made it easier than ever to enjoy music. It is true that entertaining people is a major purpose of music today, but music also has many other important functions.”

Hi, Luschen

Thank for your help. I hope some day I can write a essay as good as yours.