Here is my essay and I would really appreciate it if you can correct my work. Thank you so much
Topic: Longer life spans and improvements in health of older people suggest that people over the age of sixty-five can continue to live full and active lives.
In what ways can society benefit from the contribution that older people can make?
People of pensionable age nowadays can lead full and active lives due to longer life spans and advances in health care. Consequently, society might take some practices into consideration to make optimal use of the contribution of the old.
One possible measure that government can adopt is to foster working after retirement age. The method is extremely pragmatic to avoid putting growing pressure on health care system which is already under considerable strain due to the ageing population in many countries. In the context of family, working adults could be relieved from the stress of taking care of elderly members and their children at the same time. In addition, this measure is able to tackle the concern of dwindling pension funds. Older employees have their own income; therefore, they are independent from state welfare provision. In that manner, government can utilize that budget to aid those who are in need of help like the unemployed and the homeless.
There are also tangible benefits when the aged are encouraged to engage in education and consultation. Inviting local retired people to schools to speak to students can help maintain a link between past and present. By this way, young people could absorb the value of traditional customs that pass down from generation to generation and never lose sight of long-established culture in a modern integrated world. In other words, the elderly are able to provide continuity and stability for society. Moreover, they possess wisdom that come from lifetime experience, which is of great help for younger generation in their lives.
In conclusion, old people could benefit society as a whole tremendously by keeping on working and helping educate young generation.
Hi Quanghuy, I thought this was one of your best essays yet. Your content is very good and addresses the prompt right on target. Your writing seems to flow very well and your essay is well-organized. You have some good vocabulary and only a few minor grammatical errors. I think this one would easily score a band 7.