Compare / Contrast: advantages of having a car in a large city

Hi! I’m Sergi, in two days I’m taking the TOEFL, here it is my second essay. Thanks for reading it and, I don’t know…maybe you could make a guess about how would it be rated in an official examn, couldn’t you?

HAVING A CAR IN A LARGE CITY

Having a car in a big city is the common and widespread way to move all around the world. However, it is really that necessary when we have other options such as public transportation or bicycles? Doubtless, a car is really flexible and cozzy, but most of the people use it because it’s said to save time: does it? Moreover, is it a really good choice to have a car regarding to its price, both economical and ecological? In my opinion, negative facts are huge and we should take them into account.

First, a car is an expensive choice for most of the people. While public transportation has bonuses and discounts, car riders can only find economical disadvantages: the oil price is getting high every year, there are a lot of taxes and in the big cities you need to pay for park, whether is in a parking or in the street.

Following, the price you pay is not only economical, but also ecological: a car is an oil-swallower-machine which causes environemntal contamination, smog, and noise. Of course a bus will have these same problems – not a tram, for example -, but in a bus there is space for up to fifty people, while a car is an individualistic choice.

In the other hand, if the twentieth century has witnessed an incredible increase of the cars is for its flexibility and comodity. Furthermore, in our society owning propieties seems to be the goal for everybody, but you can also own a bicycle and substitute most of the cars functions if the city is well prepared for this. An example is Amsterdam, where the willness from the authorities and a long traditional biking culture have transformed the city in a two-wheels paradise, free from contamination, noise and smog. The flexibility keeps on the car side, but how important is it for us in the balance?

Concluding, whereas that a car can offer the sensation of freedom for the user, it also has so many defects regarding to economical and environtamental costs which make it a negative solution for our transportation troubles. We as a society, should encourage the use of public transportation and bicycles to achieve a sostenible way to cover our transportation needs.

Sergi

PD: is ON the other hand, IN the other hand, or both are correct? thanks again!

TOEFL listening discussions: A conversation between a professor and his assistant

Hi! I’m Sergi, in two days I’m taking the TOEFL, here it is my second essay. Thanks for reading it and, I don’t know…maybe you could make a guess about how would it be rated in an official examn, couldn’t you?

HAVING A CAR IN A LARGE CITY

Having a car in a big city is the common and widespread way to move all around the place.
However, IS IT really that necessary when we have other options such as public transportation or bicycles?
Doubtless, a car is really flexible and cozy, but most of the people use THEM because it’s said to save time: does it?
Moreover, is it a really good choice to have a car regarding its price, both economical and ecological? In my opinion, negative facts are huge and we should take them into account.

First, a car is an expensive choice for most of the people. While public transportation has bonuses and discounts, car riders can only find economical disadvantages: the oil price is getting highER every year, there are a lot of taxes and in the big cities you need to pay for parkING, wheREVER THERE is in a parking PLACE or in the street.

Following, the price you pay is not only economical, but also ecological: a car is an oil-swallowING-machine THAT causes ENVIRONMENTAL contamination, smog, and noise. Of course a bus will have these same problems – not aN ELECTRICAL tram for example, but in a bus there is space for up to fifty people, while a car is an individualistic choice.

ON the other hand, if the twentieth century has witnessed an incredible increase of the cars is for its flexibility and comModity.???

Furthermore, in our society owning propiERtY seems to be the goal OF everybody, but you can also own a bicycle and substitute most of the cars functions if the city is well prepared for this.
An example is Amsterdam, where the willInGNess from the authorities and a long traditional biking culture have transformed the city in a two-wheels paradise, free from contamination, noise and smog. The flexibility keeps on the car side, but how important is it for us in the balance?

Concluding, whereas that a car can offer the sensation of freedom for the user, it also has so many defects regarding ITS economical and environmental costs which make it a negative solution for our transportation troubles. We as a society, should encourage the use of public transportation and bicycles to achieve a SENSIBLE way to cover our transportation needs.

Sergi.

Sergi, you have joined us far too late for us to be of any real assistance to you.
Realistically your chances of passing the exam are slim, especially if you are as weak in the other three segments.
As I said yesterday, after mastering the basics of English, you need three months of intensive tuition to even hope for a high pass mark. Many people with a low pass mark drop-out very soon after gaining admission to a university, that is if they ever do get their foot through the door.
Sorry for being so frank … but you did ask.

Kitos.

ON the other hand is the only correct one.

Thanks for being so frank Kitos, it will not dissapoint me so don’t worry about that. I’m quite sure I’m going to pass, and if you tell me the opposite I’ll do my best to prove you are wrong =D hopefully!

I got 25/30 in several listening and reading sample tests, so it makes 50. I just need an 80/120 and I think I do it fairly well speaking, maybe for a 15/30. I know the written part is my weak point, but if I manage to get a 20/30 I’ll pass, so that’s my goal. Thanks for the corrections, I know I should have came here long time before, but I just discovered the forum past week.

Sergi

PS: In the sentence "whereas THAT a car can offer the sensation of freedom for the… ", I thought that the word “THAT” was unnecessary, wasn’t it?

"whereas THAT a car can offer the sensation of freedom for the… ", I thought that the word “THAT” was unnecessary, wasn’t it?

Yes, you are right. Problem was that I had almost lost concentration in your essay.
There were so many faults, although some sentences were remarkably clear.
I too sincerely hope that you do pass, but you will have a steep hill to climb if you do get through.
If you do need help, I am always here to help you.

Kitos.