Cars as status symbols

[Sabchang13]

Owning a nice car is everyone dream and some people own many cars. Many people enjoy it as symbol of success for many. Yes, it was a wonderful invention of all times as it gives us comfort and happiness. On other hand, too much reliance on cars proved to be a detrimental for the environment and health of people. One way to solve this problem is to address the adverse effect of pollution at global level and local level.

Nowadays, climate change is a worrisome topic around the world and many world leaders get-together to discuss the ways to monitor global warming. Obviously, air pollution from cars is the prime factor for the global warming. As we know cars release more and more harmful gas which is not good for the environment. So, cars pollution is bad for the environment and can lead to serious consequences.
Many metropolitan are over-crowded with cars and many people fall sick with asthma and respiratory problem. Still more and more people are looking for a car. In Bangalore, the city I am living, there is an enormous traffic congestion and quantum of air pollution. Sometimes, I feel I better leave this city and lead a pleasant life in a country side. So it become important to prevent it , so as to lead a pleasant way of life.

After analysing the above negative effects of over reliance on cars, we should find a solution to keep ourselves away from unfavourable experiences of adverse climate and sickness from the pollution. Recently, leaders from China and USA made a robust pact to control the climate change by reducing the pollution level in their countries. Similarly, a general public should take responsibility to address the bad consequences of over-reliance on cars and initiate programmes to encourage public to drop cars and embrace public transport for travelling.

[Beeesneees]

TITLE EDITED.
Please help everyone to make the most of this forum and its resources by giving your threads meaningful and relevant subject lines.

[Sabchang13]

Please hep me to edit this essay !

[Luschen]

Hi Sabchang, sorry for my delay. I don’t always check the GRE forum. I thought your essay was pretty good, but it would be helpful if you could include the actual prompt or question so I can make sure you are addressing it correctly. Your writing was pretty clear, but it seemed a little disorganized and scattered. Your vocabulary is also a bit simple and you have some mistakes with grammar and article use.

@Sabchang13

Owning a nice car is everyone['s] dream and some people own many cars. Many people enjoy it [owning an automobile,] as [this is a] symbol of success for many. Yes, it was a wonderful invention of all times as it gives us comfort and happiness. On other hand, too much reliance on cars [has] prove[n] to be a detrimental for the environment and health of people. One way to solve this problem is to address the adverse effect of pollution at [both a] global level and [a ] local level.

Nowadays, climate change is a worrisome topic around the world and many world leaders get-together {no hyphen] to discuss the ways to monitor global warming. Obviously, air pollution from cars is the prime factor for the global warming.{not so obvious - I think coal power plants are just as big a factor} As we know[,] cars release more and more {the “more and more” is confusing, since cars are actually getting more and more efficient, though I suppose their increased numbers are causing the overall amount of CO2 to increase} harmful gas[,] which is not good for the environment. So, cars['] pollution is bad for the environment and can lead to serious consequences.
Many metropolitan [areas] are over-crowded with cars and many people fall sick with asthma and respiratory problem[s ]. Still[,] more and more people are looking for a car. In Bangalore, the city [where] I am living, there is an enormous traffic congestion and quantum {this is correct - maybe you mean “quantity”} of air pollution. Sometimes, I feel I better leave this city and lead a pleasant life in a [the] country side.{one word} So it become important to prevent it ,{what is “it”? I assume you mean pollution, but this is not really clear} so as to lead a pleasant way of life.

After analysing the above negative effects of over reliance on cars, we should find a solution to keep ourselves away from unfavourable experiences {the “unfavourable experiences” sounds a bit odd in this context} of adverse climate and sickness from the pollution. Recently, leaders from China and USA made a robust pact to control the climate change by reducing the pollution level in their countries. Similarly, a [the] general public should take responsibility to address the bad consequences of over-reliance on cars and initiate programmes to encourage [the] public to drop {“drop” is a bit odd here} cars and embrace public transport for travelling.

[Sabchang13]

Thank you Sir Luschen, I will be careful to write better next time. You have a lovely day there Sir.