can you please review my first essay of my life?

subject: Why do people study in college?


From the rise of the civilizations; it has been the fact that education is crucial to not only academic life of people but also their whole life style and expections. People who care about their life always like to study wery well. Their main purpose is definetely being expert in all field of life. It absolutely depends on their education past such as high schools, colleges, and universities. In this essay i point out why people should study in collage by giving several reasons.

Firstly; the one of the goal is getting more friends in colleges. For instance; students who are in colleges is always in touch with each other. It is usual that they take part in all social activities. It is because they meet new friends who is the similar to each other. They share everything which is about themselves with each other. That is; They socialize.

Second reason is that students want to gain more knowledge in college. For example; they are very keen that they want to be a employee of a successful company. That is count on what qualities or skills they possess. In the other words; if you want to have a great job in your future, you have to get more knowledge such as many foreign language, and many of fundemantal lessons. You have to improve your information that you acquire.

Thirdly; students learn time arranging in colleges. Before they enter collages as a student, their parents always help them to arrange time. However, they find themselves alone in colleges. They learn how to live without parents. In addition; They learn how to arrange time such as when to sleep, when they study, and when they have to wake up.

In conclusion; students have to improve and educate themselves in colleges. It is about not only learning new knowledge for academic career and work life but also getting new friends and learning how to arrange time. In my opinion; if students want to be successful and happy, they extremely study in collage

note: i am fully open to your opinions and suggestions.

the number of words: 339

TOEFL listening discussions: Why does the student visit the adviser’s office?

Hi, I think your organization and structure is good. Your grammar is ok, but you need to try to improve your working vocabulary. I think your first reason is a little weak - explain how making friends in school can lead to future business contacts and expand your network among well-placed colleagues.

thank you so much.
firsty, i have to focus on vocabularies that i dont know.
next time, i will be carefull about our reasons.