can you please help me to revise my essay (independent writing)

I was wondering if you could give some ideas about my essay, so I can improve it next time. I am willing to hear from you.
Thank you in advance.

Question: What is your approach to problem-solving, and how does it work for you? Use specific details to support your response.

Here is my essay:

There are different approaches to find a solution to a problem. Whenever I want to solve a problem, I take three steps. First, I try to understand the problem itself; then, I apply my knowledge to solve the problem, and finally (if possible), I check the solution with other people around me in order to make sure if it is an appropriate solution.

The first step to solve a problem is to understand the problem itself. It means that I have to figure out what exactly is the problem. For example, I have to know who are involved in the problem or how much is it important to find the best solution.

The second step is indeed finding the solution. To find the best solution, I have to gather new information on the problem, in addition to my present information. It is important to have as much knowledge as I can. The rudimentary knowledge would result in wrong solutions. I usually think of different solutions and then eliminate one after another. The last solution on the list is the one I choose as the best answer.

However, the determined solution is based on my own perception and to make the best decision, I usually take another step, which is consulting with others. It means that I check my solution with others, especially people who have wisdom and are close to me, and the most important, they have some experiences of the problem.

To solve a problem, I usually take three steps. At first, I try to have a comprehensive understanding over the problem. Then, I use my knowledge to find the best solution. Finally, I try to share my solution to the problem with people around me to see if it is a good solution or not. By taking these steps, I think I was able to solve the problems that I had until now.

TOEFL listening discussions: A conversation between two students at the library

Hi, I enjoyed your essay. I think your structure is good and very clear. You only have a few grammatical errors. I think your vocabulary and sentence structures might be a little too basic and you have some word choices that could be improved. Overall, I would rate this a 4 out of 5.

I agree. I have to use more advanced vocabulary. I’ll try this next time.
Thank you very much for the revise.

Sorry, of course I meant “grammatical errors” , not “grammatical essays”.

Good job~ Just a quick reply to cheer up!:stuck_out_tongue: