can someone correct and grade my essay? thanks

In some countries young people are encouraged to work or travel for a year between finishing high school and starting university studies.
Discuss the advantages and disadvantage for young people who decided to do this.

“To read 100 books is no better than to walk 100 miles”, as an old Chinese saying goes. People who graduated from high school are advocated to challenge themselves either in the society or in the nature prior to entering the university in some countries while other countries suggest that students are suppose to receive higher education right after their high school study. The pros and cons will be discuss in this essay.
On one hand, find a part time job ,travelling or hanging out with friends is absolutely an enjoyable way to acquire experiences of social life. With these experiences, one is more likely to know which field is more suitable in and what course one is going to major in. what is more, through the social activities, characters that cater for the social need are better known by students. So that they can form useful characters purposefully in the university life.
On the other hand, however as every coin has two sides, living a social life is not necessarily a good thing. During working or travelling one will definitely meet with people from all walks of life even bad guys. It is in the very time, which is the turning point of one`s life to form good characters which might lead one to a decent live, that students may easily become bad if they have followed a wrong guide or an awfully person.
To sum up, due measures should be given by both the parents and the authority such as setting up certain working places specially for the students graduated from high school, giving guidances to students.

can somebody correct my essay and grade it under the criteria of ielts writing and give advise or suggestions thx!!!:slight_smile:

In some countries young people are encouraged to work or travel for a year between finishing high school and starting university studies.
Discuss the advantages and disadvantage[color=green]s for young people who decided to do this.

“To read 100 books is no better than to walk 100 miles”, as an old Chinese saying goes. People who graduated from high school are advocated, in some countries, to challenge themselves either in the society or in the nature prior to entering the university, while in other countries they suggest that students be encouraged to receive higher education right after their high school study. The pros and cons will be discussed in this essay.

On one hand, finding a part time job by travelling or hanging out with friends is absolutely an enjoyable way to acquire experiences of social life. With such experience, one is likely to know which field is more suitable and what course one should major in. What is more, through the interactive experience, people who have succeeded in managing the situation in society are better understood by students. This helps them to mould their own personalities more usefully and purposefully during university life.

On the other hand, as every coin has two sides, living a social life is not necessarily a good thing always. While working or travelling one will definitely meet people, good or bad, from all walks of life. It is during this very time, which is the turning point of life, that one turns either to be a good character, which might lead one to live a decent life, or a bad character, which might ruin one’s life.

To sum up, due measures, such as setting up certain working places specially for the students graduating from high school and giving timely and necessary guidance to them, should be taken by both the parents and the authorities .

Hello Jimi,

Something seems rather odd here.
“…or in the nature prior to entering the university,”
What does that mean. ‘Nature’ does not seem to have a definition in English which makes sense there.

I don’t have time to go through the errors in your essay in detail, but you ought to be aware that Anglophile has not made the most natural, fluent choices for every correction he’s made.