Can any native speaker please help me make it more idiomatic?

The following is my student’s article. I have corrected all the errors that I have found. Can any native speaker please help me make it more idiomatic?

Hello everyone! My name is XXX. I am a girl who is energetic and a little bit crazy. I love to sing anytime, anywhere. I love to sing Chinese, English, and Korean songs. Music is my life. I can’t image life without music, which would be very terrible. I love to listen to lively tunes. They make me want to dance happily. I also like to dance. But my movements sometimes are very weird. My friends and I often laugh together when seeing my movements.

I was not an extroverted girl. I wouldn’t talk if others didn’t talk to me first. I was afraid to strike up a conversation with a stranger. But since joining EC3, I have become more outgoing. When I stand on stage, I won’t feel that nervous. The teachers and teaching assistants in EC3 help me make a big difference in my life. I think EC3 is not only a class, but also a family. Teachers care about us like our parents, and we also care about each other. I really love EC3, and I cherish all the fondest memories of EC3.

Because of EC3, I have become more confident. The teachers and classmates of EC3 encourage me a lot. I love EC3!

Hi, I think your article was very good. I was only able to make a few suggestions:

Hello everyone! My name is XXX. I am a girl who is energetic and a little bit crazy. I love to sing anytime, anywhere[, whether they are] Chinese, English, [or] Korean songs. Music is my life. I can’t image life without music, which would be very terrible. I love to listen to lively tunes[, because they] make me want to dance [with joy]. [As you can tell,] I also like to dance[, but] my movements sometimes are very weird. My friends and I often laugh together when seeing my [dance moves].

I was not an extroverted girl. I wouldn’t talk if others didn’t talk to me first. I was afraid to strike up a conversation with a stranger. But since joining EC3, I have become more outgoing. When I stand on stage, I [no longer] feel that nervous. The teachers and teaching assistants in EC3 [have helped] me make a big difference in my life. I think EC3 is not only a class, but also a family. Teachers care about us like our parents, and we also care about each other. I really love EC3, and I cherish all the fondest memories of EC3.

Because of EC3, I have become more confident. The teachers and classmates of EC3 encourage me a lot. I love EC3!

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