Buy or Lease a Home

[Swan]

Hi guys,

Your comments as to my essay would be highly appreciated.

Many people prefer to live in their own house, while others are preferred to live in rental properties. Discuss both views, give you own opinion and examples.

Some are trying to buy a place to live in, while others would rather rent a home. This is a life-changing decision that most individuals have to make it once in a lifetime. While there are certainly valid arguments to the contrary, I personally believe that the benefits of buying a home as one of the essential assets of modern human being far outweigh its drawbacks. It is taken for granted that this controversial topic is confluence of variety of factors, hence may not seem correct in many parts of the world.

Purchasing a house has many advantages in terms of investment and finance. First and foremost, in most parts of the globe the price of land is on the rise, hence is the profit in buying properties. That most billionaires were involved in real estate one day, and the land owners are currently considered from affluent social class is an undeniable fact. Despite the risk of financial loss during bust periods occasionally happens in some countries most of homebuyers profit from their purchase. Moreover the buyers experience personal freedom in different areas such as decoration, remodeling, smoking, having pets and number of children.

On the contrary, many are advocates of renting home instead of buying it. This group opine that investment in real estate is not a wise way in investment anymore. In other words, they believe people can do more profitable businesses with that amount of budget. They argue that not only has renting more financial gain, but also it is a more pleasant lifestyle. Tenant can change their home almost whenever and wherever they want. Additionally they are not supposed to spend so much on home appliances. Admittedly, renters are more flexible to new job vacancies far away from the place they are currently living.

To make it into a nutshell, I once again reaffirm my position that home ownership has so many advantages that I believe worth the disadvantages. Feeling weak and tired during the old ages, senior citizens can enjoy their own home beside their children and grandchildren without the fear of expiry the lease agreement.

TOEFL listening discussions: What position does Cindy play?

[Luschen]

have to go, will finish later

@Swan

Hi guys,

Your comments as to my essay would be highly appreciated.

Many people prefer to live in their own house, while others are preferred to live in rental properties. Discuss both views, give you own opinion and examples.

Some {starting an essay with just a pronoun is a bit jarring. Some what or who? I would stick to a noun - maybe “When starting out or moving to a new area, some people are …”} are trying to buy a place to live in, while others would rather rent a home. This is a life-changing decision that most individuals have to make it once in a lifetime. While there are certainly valid arguments to the contrary, I personally believe that the benefits of buying a home as one of the essential assets of modern human being {“assets of modern human beings” sounds odd - generally only use “human” or “human being” when you are talking about biology or comparing us to other animals - so a “human asset” would be our opposable thumbs or large brains} far outweigh its drawbacks. It is taken for granted that this controversial topic [involves a] confluence of [a ]variety of factors, hence [my conclusion] may not seem correct in many parts of the world.

Purchasing a house has many advantages in terms of investment and finance. First and foremost, in most parts of the globe the price of land is on the rise, hence [so] is the profit in buying properties. That most billionaires were involved in real estate one day, {“one day” sounds odd, we usually use “one day” for the future - “one day I will be rich” - maybe “… real estate on their rise to the top”} and [that] land owners are currently considered from [members of the] affluent social class is an [are] undeniable fact[s ]. Despite the risk of financial loss during bust periods[, which] occasionally happens in some countries[,] most of homebuyers profit from their purchase. Moreover the buyers experience personal freedom in different areas such as [choices in] decoration, remodeling, smoking, having pets and [the] number of children [they wish to have].

On the contrary, {“on the contrary” doesn’t really work as a transition into a new paragraph. It really only works right after the point you are contradicting. “Many people think owning their own home brings freedom. On the contrary, they may quickly find themselves enslaved to the dozens of maintenance chores that are part and parcel of any house.”} many are advocates of renting [a ]home instead of buying it. This group opine that investment in real estate is not a wise way {“way” sounds a bit odd here - maybe “practice” “Method” would also work. I can’t really find a good article on the internet about the difference between “way” and “method” - maybe I will post something on the forum} in investment anymore. In other words, they believe people can [create] more profitable businesses with that amount of budget. They argue that not only [will] renting [bring] more financial gain, but also it is a more pleasant lifestyle. [The] Tenant can change their home almost whenever and wherever they want. Additionally they are not supposed [required] to spend so much on home appliances. Admittedly, {this is a great word, but you have not really used it correctly - admittedly means you are admitting the other side has a point, but then you immediately counter that point - “Admittedly, owning a home can bring stability to one’s life, but renters are more flexible …”} renters are more flexible to [respond to] new job vacancies far away from the place they are currently living.

To make[put] it into a nutshell, I once again reaffirm my position that home ownership has so many advantages that I believe [overcome] worth the disadvantages. Feeling weak and tired during the old ages, senior citizens can enjoy their own home beside their children and grandchildren without the fear of expiry the lease agreement. {this is another reason. It is best not to include new reasons in your conclusion. The conclusion should be a summary of reasons already presented and perhaps a call to action (an action suggested to the reader - “Buy a house now!” }

TOEFL listening discussions: What position does Cindy play?

[Swan]

Dear Luschen,

Thank you is not enough to express all the gratitude I feel to you.
In Farsi we say words fail to thank you.
I really appreciate your kind support.

Regards,
Amir

[Luschen]

Hi Swan, thanks for your kind words above. Sorry I didn’t get a chance to finish my comments earlier. I think you have some good content, but with this type of prompt I think it is important to expand the “give your own opinion” part. It is ok to include this in your conclusion, like you have done, or you can add a separate third body paragraph. But in either case, I think you need to have at least three sentences instead of the single one you have used. I can tell you have brushed up on your transition phrases - this essay
is more cohesive and seems to flow better than some of your other ones.

@Swan

Hi guys,

Your comments as to my essay would be highly appreciated.

Many people prefer to live in their own house, while others are preferred to live in rental properties. Discuss both views, give you own opinion and examples.

Some {starting an essay with just a pronoun is a bit jarring. Some what or who? I would stick to a noun - maybe “When starting out or moving to a new area, some people are …”} are trying to buy a place to live in, while others would rather rent a home. This is a life-changing decision that most individuals have to make it once {maybe “have to make only once in a” or “have to make at least once in a …”} in a lifetime. While there are certainly valid arguments to the contrary, I personally believe that the benefits of buying a home as one of the essential assets of modern human being {“assets of modern human beings” sounds odd - generally only use “human” or “human being” when you are talking about biology or comparing us to other animals - so a “human asset” would be our opposable thumbs or large brains} far outweigh its drawbacks. It is taken for granted that this controversial topic [involves a] confluence of [a ]variety of factors, hence [my conclusion] may not seem correct in many parts of the world.

Purchasing a house has many advantages in terms of investment and finance. First and foremost, in most parts of the globe the price of land is on the rise, hence [so] is the profit in buying properties. That most billionaires were involved in real estate one day, {“one day” sounds odd, we usually use “one day” for the future - “one day I will be rich” - maybe “… real estate on their rise to the top”} and [that] land owners are currently considered from [members of the] affluent social class is an [are] undeniable fact[s ]. Despite the risk of financial loss during bust periods[, which] occasionally happens in some countries[,] most of homebuyers profit from their purchase. Moreover the buyers experience personal freedom in different areas such as [choices in] decoration, remodeling, smoking, having pets and [the] number of children [they wish to have].

On the contrary, {“on the contrary” doesn’t really work as a transition into a new paragraph. It really only works right after the point you are contradicting. “Many people think owning their own home brings freedom. On the contrary, they may quickly find themselves enslaved to the dozens of maintenance chores that are part and parcel of any house.”} many are advocates of renting [a ]home instead of buying it. This group opine that investment in real estate is not a wise way {“way” sounds a bit odd here - maybe “practice” “Method” would also work. I can’t really find a good article on the internet about the difference between “way” and “method” - maybe I will post something on the forum} in investment anymore. In other words, they believe people can [create] more profitable businesses with that amount of budget. They argue that not only [will] renting [bring] more financial gain, but also it is a more pleasant lifestyle. [The] Tenant can change their home almost whenever and wherever they want. Additionally they are not supposed [required] to spend so much on home appliances. Admittedly, {this is a great word, but you have not really used it correctly - admittedly means you are admitting the other side has a point, but then you immediately counter that point - “Admittedly, owning a home can bring stability to one’s life, but renters are more flexible …”} renters are more flexible to [respond to] new job vacancies far away from the place they are currently living.

To make[put] it into a nutshell, I once again reaffirm my position that home ownership has so many advantages that I believe [overcome] worth the disadvantages. Feeling weak and tired during the old ages, senior citizens can enjoy their own home beside their children and grandchildren without the fear of expiry the lease agreement. {this is another reason. It is best not to include new reasons in your conclusion. The conclusion should be a summary of reasons already presented and perhaps a call to action (an action suggested to the reader - “Buy a house now!” }

TOEFL listening discussions: What position does Cindy play?

[Swan]

Dear Luschen,

You are right. I totally forgot about my own opinion, and in that essay I just wrote about others opinion.
Your meticulous attention really surprises me.
Additionally, I am keen to know what score do you give to this essay out of 9.

Regards,
Amir

[Luschen]

Hi, I think your C&C would score an 8, your Lexical a 7, and your Grammar a 7. The Task Achievement is tricky because they may not think you fully addressed the opinion part of the task, so maybe a 6

[Swan]

You made my day. Thanks a lot