Business vs agricultural center

Dear, Mr. Kitos
I hope, you will help me to evaluate this essay as well:)
Thank you
A university plans to develop a new research center in your country. Some people want a center for business research. Other people want a center for research in agriculture (farming). Which of these two kinds of research centers do you recommend for your country? Use specific reasons in your recommendation.

     Scientific research plays a very important role in the development of economical, industrial and agricultural sectors of the country. Nowadays, the economical situation in many countries remains unsustainable, that is why the demand in scientific progress grows up. While some people would consider creating a business research center  in my community a top issue, I recommend to construct an agricultural research center. 
To begin with, agriculture has been one of the most important sectors used in Ukraine occupying 72% of the total land. Though, my country has rich soils and favorable climate, the methods of land cultivation are not very well developed yet. In some rural areas, the farmers still practice the old methods of farming and,consequently, they get lower output than those farmers who use innovative technologies. Thus, the scientific research would definitely help to introduce new technological methods, directed on improving the cultivation of lands. 
      In addition, to the new methods the research would  ensure high quality of  food and other agricultural products. In most of the areas farmers and other rural citizens are not able to preserve food for a long period to time. They have to sell their products before they get spoiled at a comparatively  low cost otherwise they loose their profit . If they mastered the new methods of food preservation  they could  benefit more in terms of trading and improving their own standards of life. Moreover, with the new methods of food preservation the farmers could run  their own  enterprises  and while collaborating with bigger factories they will be able to supply them with their domestic goods.  	
    Finally, practicing new methods of farming and cultivating the land will provide economic opportunities to rural citizens, communities, and society as a whole. With the development of agricultural sector people will get more job opportunities. For example, it will extend small businesses, as a result new plants will employ more people. That will help to reduce unemployment and poverty. 
     To sum up, one has a different point of view regarding  the approaches of changing the current situation in economy and industry . Personally, I find opening agricultural research centers a great stage in my country's  life. That is why it is necessary to start with focusing on agricultural  issues. 

Best regards,
Alina

TOEFL listening discussions: What problem does the student have?

Dear, Mr. Kitos
I hope, you will help me to evaluate this essay as well:)
Thank you
A university plans to develop a new research center in your country, but other people want a center for business research. They want a center for research in agriculture (farming). Which of these two kinds of research centers do you recommend for your country? Use specific reasons in your recommendation.

     Scientific research plays a very important role in the development of economical, industrial and agricultural sectors of the country. Nowadays, the economical situation in many countries remains unsustainable, that is why the demand in scientific progress is ever-increasing. While some people would consider creating a business research center  in my community a top issue, I recommend to construct an agricultural research center. 
To begin with, agriculture has been one of the most important sectors used in Ukraine, occupying 72% of the total land. Though my country has rich soils and favorable climate, the methods of land cultivation are not very well developed yet. In some rural areas, the farmers still practice the old methods of farming and, consequently, they get lower output than those farmers who use innovative technologies. Thus, the scientific research would definitely help to introduce new technological methods, directed at improving the cultivation of lands. 
      In addition to the new methods, the research would ensure the high quality of  food and other agricultural products. In most of the areas farmers and other rural citizens are not able to preserve food for a long period to time. They have to sell their products at a comparatively low cost before they get spoiled, otherwise they lose their profit . If they mastered the new methods of food preservation they could  benefit more in terms of trading and improving their own standards of life. Moreover, with the new methods of food preservation the farmers could run their own enterprises and while collaborating with bigger factories they will be able to supply them with their domestic goods.  	
    Finally, practicing new methods of farming and cultivating the land will provide economic opportunities to rural citizens, communities, and society as a whole. With the development of the agricultural sector people will get more job opportunities. For example, it will extend small businesses, and as a result, new plants will employ more people. That will help to reduce unemployment and poverty. 
     To sum up, one has a different point of view regarding  the approaches of changing the current situation in economy and industry. Personally, I find opening agricultural research centers a great stage in my country's life. That is why it is necessary to start with focusing on agricultural  issues. 

::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::
Good morning Alina. Such an intelligent essay. Thank you.

Kitos. 9.5/10

An example of simple and interesting essay.

Thank you, Mr. Kitos!

Thank you, Mohamma!