Because the world is changing so quickly, people now are less happy or less satisfied with their lives than people were in the past

Everyone wants to find true happiness. Some believe that the current world changes like improvements in technology, curing treatment, and amenities outweigh the disadvantages. On the contrary, others believe that these changes bring about more despondent and lonely individuals. From my point of view, people used to have a much more satisfying life because they had a solid emotional bond with their relatives, and they were more neglectful about financial issues.

To begin with, our emotional relationship with our families and relatives is the key to happiness. When people used to visit their relatives on the weekends, they received particular positive energy from them. Those people love them, and they also give this love back to their relatives. On the other hand these days, people do not have enough time to spend with their relatives. For instance, my father was born in a relatively large family with 11 cousins. Every weekend he and his cousins had a party. They danced, played games and had a lot of fun. On the contrary, I have 7 cousins, and we are all busy with the university and jobs in the way that we rarely can visit each other. Most of us live in different cities because of our universities and employments, and we all feel that we are alone. Hence, because of a stronger relationship with relatives, people used to have a better life.

Second, making money is the priority these days. There is a fallacy among the people that true happiness is being rich. If you want to live a much more comfortable life, you need to make more money. Most of our days during the week are spent at work. Even on the weekends, some have part-time jobs to make more money. Our greed for making more money had made us blind in the way that we cannot see the people who love us the most. For example, my uncle is a high-paying manager. Nevertheless, he always seeks for a higher position to make more money. Despite being a competent person, he is constantly irritated because he does not get any raise in his salary despite working on the weekends. Consequently, he is utterly oblivious to his wife, children and assets, and his mere concern is making more money. Therefore, discords and strifes emerge between my uncle and his wife, and none of them are happy with their life. As you can see, financial issues can destroy our true happiness.

To sum up, in the past people lived a happier life along with their relatives because of the strong emotional bond between them. They also were not concerned about monetary issues as much as we are today. Hence, if we need to live a happier life, we should pay more attention to our families and change our minds about true happiness that is definitely not being rich but enjoying our current assets.

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Everyone wants to find true happiness. Some believe that the current changes in the world, such as improvements in technology, curative treatment and conveniences, outweigh the disadvantages. Others, however, believe that these changes are causing people to become more despondent and lonely. In my opinion, people used to have a much more satisfying life because they had a solid emotional bond with their relatives and tended to neglect financial issues.

First of all, our emotional relationship with our families and relatives is the key to happiness. When people visited their relatives on weekends, they received extra positive energy from them. These people love them, and they also return this love to their relatives. On the other hand, nowadays people don’t have enough time to be with their relatives. For example, my father was born into a relatively large family with 11 cousins. Every weekend, he and his cousins would have a party. They danced, played games, and had a lot of fun. In contrast, I have 7 cousins, and we are all so busy with university and work that we rarely get to visit each other. Most of us live in different cities because of our universities and jobs, and we all feel like we are alone. Therefore, people used to have a better life because they had a closer relationship with their relatives.

Secondly, nowadays the focus is on making money. It is a misconception among people that true happiness is being rich. If you want to live a much more comfortable life, you have to earn more money. During the week, we spend most of our time at work. Even on weekends, some have part-time jobs to earn more money. Our greed for more money has made us so blind that we no longer see the people who love us the most. For example, my uncle is a highly paid manager. Yet he always strives for a higher position to earn more money. Although he is a competent person, he is constantly upset because he doesn’t get a raise despite working weekends. Consequently, he doesn’t care about his wife, children and assets, and his only concern is to earn more money. Therefore, disagreements and quarrels arise between my uncle and his wife, and neither of them is satisfied with his life. As you can see, financial problems can destroy our true happiness.

To sum up, people in the past lived happier lives with their relatives because they had a strong emotional bond between them. They also did not care as much about money matters as we do today. So if we want to live a happier life, we should pay more attention to our families and change our attitude toward true happiness, which is definitely not being rich but enjoying our current wealth.

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hello can I ask what is wring with these sentences.
I appreciate your help

There is a fallacy among the people that true happiness is being rich.
VS
It is a misconception among people that true happiness is being rich.

Therefore, discords and strifes emerge between my uncle and his wife
VS
Therefore, disagreements and quarrels arise between my uncle and his wife

and could you please score my essay and tell me your general assessment about it?

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There is a fallacy among the people that true happiness is being rich.
VS
It is a misconception among people that true happiness is being rich.

Misconception is a better word. The structure of the sentences could also be improved. Instead of, “true happiness is being rich” maybe try, “wealth brings happiness*”.

Your wording slightly implies rich happiness instead of rich people.

Therefore, discords and strifes emerge between my uncle and his wife
VS
Therefore, disagreements and quarrels arise between my uncle and his wife

The second one is better. Disagreements and quarrels are more commonly used than discord and strife. Although quarrel is not commonly used either.

By the way, discord and strife are non countable and should not have the S.

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Oh, Torsten, you’re so kind and so right.

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Thanks for your great informative reply. Could you please assess my score out of 30? I appreciate your help.

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