After high school should students continue to study at university or not. Please help me to correct it. And rate it

[Tuyet89]

Everyone has his or her own idea about should orr should not go to university after graduating from university. Some may say it is necessary and some say no. For me I support for the idea to have a further study at the university as the following reasons:

Firstly, studying at university is the best time for us to learn how to make friends to the new ones and learn how to deal with all difficulties in life that we have never faced at high school. Going to study at a new environment with a lot of new tthings even new friends and neighbors. We have to know how to balance all things without our parents helps. I think it is a best chance for us to have a great preparation before start getting a job. I am strongly belive that with all things we attain during the time at university we will have enough skills and spirits as well as confidience to start a freah life.

Secondly, Studying at university is my parents ’ will and my relatives as well as they all thinkthat university is going to bring me a wonderful life after that. They belive that university is the best place for me to get knowledge and become a understanding person rathan leaving school and the going to work, They don’t think it is better for me as I know at school all thing I have tooken care of by my whole family and If I stop studying and go to work, I am going to struggle with numerless difficulty.

Last but not least, studying at university also gives me chance to get a schoolarship for further studying and I can get a higher degree. Because I have a passionate on studying. My dream is to get a D.r degree so unversity is best choice for me. It likes a main basis for me to reach my dream.

With all the reason I have mention above, I strongly agree that we should study more after high school as all of us know the benefits of university. I hope my idea with touch with and the same as all off students and their parents’ hope.

[Luschen]

Hi Tuyet, I thought you did a good job with this essay.
You have some good ideas and for the most part your writing is pretty clear. I think you could differentiate your reasons a little more though. There was some overlap in your body paragraphs 1 and 2 involving gaining new knowledge. And in your first body paragraph you combined meeting new friends and meeting new challenges, which seem somewhat different. Here are some other suggestions:

@Tuyet89

Everyone has his or her own idea about [whether one should] go to university after graduating from university. Some may say it is necessary and some say no. For me[,] I support for the idea to have a further [continues one’s] study at the university [for] the following reasons: {do not end a paragraph or a sentence for that matter with a colon}

Firstly, studying at university is the best time for us to learn how to make [new] friends to the new ones and learn how to deal with all [the] difficulties in life that we have never faced at high school. Going to study at a new environment [involves] a lot of new ][experiences] {avoid using “things” - be more creative and specific} even new friends and neighbors. {this was not a complete sentence, so I added a verb, “involves”} We have to [learn] how to balance all things [these challenges] without our parents['] [help]. I think it is [the] best {there can only be one best, so we always use “the” - it is the same with “the worst”} chance for us to [get] great preparation before start getting a job. I am strongly [believe] that with all [the knowledge] we attain during the time at university[,] we will have enough skills and [spirit] as well as [confidence] to start a [fresh] life.

Secondly, [studying] at university is my parents’ will and my relatives['] as well[,] as they all think[ ]that university is going to bring me a wonderful life after that. {or “… life after graduation.”} They [believe] that university is the best place for me to get knowledge and become a understanding person [rather] leaving school and [immediately] going to work, They [do not] think [starting my career right away] {what was “it” here? This was unclear to me} is better for me as [they] know [that] at school all [the needs I have will be taken] care of by my whole family and If I stop studying and go to work, I am going to struggle with numerless {either “numerous” or the much less common “numberless”} [difficulties].

Last but not least, studying at university also gives me chance to get a [scholarship] for further studying {“further studies” sounds better here} and I can get a higher degree. Because I have a [passion for] studying. {this is not a complete sentence} My dream is to get a [doctor’s] degree {or PhD degree} so [university] is [the] best choice for me. It [forms] a main basis for me to reach my dream.

With all the [reasons] I have [mentioned] above, I strongly agree that we should study more after high school[,] as all of us know the benefits of university. I hope my idea [will connect] touch with [the students reading this, as they recognize in their own parents the hope my parents have in me.] {is this sort of what you meant?} and the same as all off students and their parents’ hope.

[Tuyet89]

Many thanks for your correction.