A sentence from a book that I am reading now which is bothering me

A mother that used guilt, martyrdom, terminal embarrassment, and vicarious identification with her children as manipulative tools, all without a second thought.

  • example or further elaborate how a mother used “vicarious identification with her children”
    What is vicarious identification referring in this sentence.

A mother who used guilt, martyrdom, terminal shame, and vicarious identification with her children as manipulative tools without even a second thought.

Maybe the following quote helps:

Vicarious parents are as close as possible physically to every practice as they can attend . Vicarious parents often blame others when the important outcomes do not go well. Vicarious parents are the ones comparing their son or daughter to others.


Some other examples:

A mother who always wanted to be a ballerina forcing her daughter to take ballet lessons and living out her dream through her daughter.

A sports fan who sees his favorite team’s wins and losses as his own wins and losses. My son makes sarcastic comments any time I say that “we won”.

In general, it is living your life through other people’s achievements.