A argument essay

Can someone give a hand to revise my essay.
Thanks in advance!!

In this passage the arguer talks about why a sharp declination of selling their company’s Fighter toy happened. A poll is cited to explain this phenomenon by to two main reasons: youthful violence had been taken into parents’ consideration and other toys with educational function took some of their market. One more possibility was that while people became rich, new expensive Hyper-Go toys also seems very popular. All the argument seems indisputable, however, after a second glance, a lot of paradox can be found in this so-called evidence. Several contradictions will be listed below to belie the writer’s ideal.

The speaker mentions a customer survey as his opinion’s cornerstone to support his argument, which actually has no evidence to prove its statistical reliability. In order to have a indisputable result to show the needs of customers, the sample of the study must be apposite in quantity and class to represent all potential buyers’ well. Perhaps the survey the arguer quoted just investigate by cell phone or computer; and we know that only rich people have cell phone, so part of these potential consumers who are too poor to buy these advanced implements are ignored. Only a survey which contains most of the possible buyers can be regarded as an excellent one.

Similarly, the comments about other companies’ educational toys skyrocketing 200% is also improper. This number has some paradoxes, which may fully question its accuracy. 200% is just a relevant number; we do not know exactly how many are the sales. A possibility which these educational toys just sold one the year before last as well as 200 last year cannot be eliminated. What’s more, these reports from other companies are just advertisement, which just mean to attract consumers to buy them. The arguer simply put some numbers on the peppers without any reliable information to backup them.

Additionally, the writer’s idea about people should buy new toys when their average income become much more is controversial, which is a arbitrary argument without any support to backup it. Some people may become generous when they have more money, some are not; they just continue their own life style whatever their income. Average income rise does not mean all people become rich, while there are many possibilities: Some richest people’s income rise leading to a whole income rising; the whole number of the poor people falling can also have the same effect. It could be a credible statement only when all uncertainty factors are wiped out.