Hi Luschen and all friends in this forum. As you saw I have a very little time for exam so I will appreciate if you help me and your last guides would be very precious for me.
Below is my last essay:
Many people visit museums when they travel to new places. Why do you think people visit museums?
It is clear that museums have an indisputable role in our society but the reason people visit museums is a bit complicated question. From my point of view, people visit museums because those locations represent the countries.
For a start, this is no doubt every country is rich with their old traditions and cultures but in order to keep those rituals countries are supposed to build museums which can provide enough information for visitors. For instance, the movie called 'Gladiators" was my favorite film at my childhood and I have always been interested with their clothes since they were very powerful and vigorous. One day I made a tour to Italy with my friend and I visited the museum at first. Believe it or not, I was astonished by seeing the attire of gladiators there since I have not seen them in life and I developed a positive image of Italy in my mind. To put it another way, museums are one of the best ways to represent the countries.
Secondly, whether we realize it or not, it is difficult to remember materials that we learned by reading and in order to keep this information in mind eternally and indelibly people have to see the things that they had learned. It is said ’ It is better to see something once rather that hearing about that thousands of times". Furthermore, many teachers educate children with pictures so that children will easily understand the lessons. In my opinion, museums serve a major role for students for keeping information. For instance, we have a history teacher in our high school who teaches very well but I should confess that I have some difficulties in memorizing all things but three weeks ago our teacher made a trip with students to a national museum and he showed the things that he had taught such as antique artifacts or defensive mechanisms of ancient people and believe it or not, I still remember those things now. In other words, museums help people to remember essential materials that they learned at school.
To sum up, people visit museums for different purposes but I think that people mostly visit those places because they demonstrate countries. In addition, we can notice that people have a low memory nowadays due to a broad exchange information so people seek out many ways and places to remember important information while museums is considered to be one of them.
Hi, I think this is an excellent essay. You have a great structure, but I think your thesis could be improved - make sure to mention the educational aspect in your thesis and see my notes below about “represent the countries”. Your body paragraphs were very good though, with excellent personal and vivid examples that served to illustrate your points. You had a few minor usage errors, but nothing that really interfered with my understanding of your ideas. I would rate this at least a 4 out of 5. I expect you will do very well on the writing portion of the TOEFL, I have definitely seen a big improvement in your writing on this forum - good luck and please let us know your experiences of how the test went.
Hi Vuqar, I wanted to add that I did not realize how much you have improved. I went back and looked at some of your first essays from just 6 months ago and they are completely different from your latest ones. Your first essays had short choppy sentences with numerous basic grammar errors and a very limited vocabulary. Your latest essays sound like something a well educated native speaker might write, with complex sentence structures, yet very clear examples and excellent development of your ideas. Your vocabulary has also increased by leaps and bounds, which is one of the toughest things to improve in a short time period. I think this improved vocabulary is bound to help you on the other parts of the TOEFL as well. I guess I am just saying that I congratulate you on your hard work and extensive progress. You deserve appreciation no matter how your test turns out.
Thank you Luschen very much I have encountered with many teachers in my life but believe it or not you are distinct from others. I am always astonished by your sympathetic and altruistic behavior. I really appreciate your guides and believe me I owe my achievement of progress to you and I will post my exam results in this forum.